I'm Not Where I Want To Be Yet

I just had an epiphany and literally opened up my app to write. I was watching a YouTube video by one of the many inspirational people I follow and it just hit me. I've been very frustrated lately about not being where I want to be in life. It's the curse of turning 30. You analyze and criticize your choices and your place in life like CRAZY. I've been meditating and praying about it and I swear my prayers were answered in the form of this video by Angela Rockwood.

https://youtu.be/YgIfm-e_oYQ

If you're not where you want to be yet...that's GOOD. The day you have everything you want is the day you stop living and cease dreaming. You should never be fully satisfied. You should be content and grateful and even happy, yes. But you should ALWAYS be striving and dreaming big and pushing yourself to the next level. 

We limit ourselves so much by our contentment and our limitations. We place them on ourselves. No one can place a limitation on you, not even society, unless you take it from them and accept it as your own. I find that the more I desire, the more I grow past my current circumstances. 

I'm a control freak. I have an order in my head of how I want things to go because I feel inadequate in some areas. But I realize, now, that in the back of my mind I'm giving off the vibration of the LAST words I ever want to say: "I can't (until)...". If you know me at all, I try to never say the phrase "I can't." However, saying that I'm going to or want to do this before gives off the vibration and impression that I'm not going to do the other thing because I can't since the first thing hasn't happened yet. Does that make sense? It did in my head. 

Point being, I've decided to stop giving the Universe and God a time table. He laughs at our plans anyway. This is a big lesson for me on surrender. I have to let go and let God and spirit guide me. I've decided to go with the flow...at least a little more often.

Merry Christmas To All Those With Empty Seats At The Table

This year, more than ever, I'm feeling the loss of my father and brother. Christmas is in 2 days, as of the time I'm beginning to write this blog. I know they're here, but I'm still feeling their losses. 

It got me thinking about how many people are spending this Christmas with one or more empty seats at the table. Whether your loved one passed away, you aren't getting along or they're off fighting for our freedoms. Whatever the case may be, you're left behind to mourn their absence in some way and will see that empty seat at the table.

There is no simple answer. There is no secret. There is no dessert, no gift that will make up for the loss or replace the physical presence of our loved ones. All we can do is be grateful for the time we had with them and continue to make them proud today and every day. Especially at this time of year, when we can all believe in magic, we have to believe they see us when we're sleeping and know when we're awake. For those who have lost parents, they also know if we've been bad or good...so be good for goodness sake! Okay, I'm done! Admit it, that was funny. Don't be a Scrooge! 

Merry Christmas...even if you don't celebrate🎄🎁🎅 to those who are offended, Bah Humbug! 😂

The Universe IS Anxiety

You read that title correctly. Sometimes the universe is anxiety. Yes, that's a metaphor, not a simile. Forget the fancy schmancy terminology; vibration, law of attraction, manifestation. It is all true, don't get me wrong, but I think that because it is so unnatural to so many people, it feels more complicated than it should and not enough people end up willing to practice the principles.

Most of us aren't in a good head space when we venture into actively studying the universe. We may have been into it before but we begin to really delve deeper when we want some type of change to occur in our lives. So we reach out to a church or metaphysical text, YouTube videos and blogs. What we come upon is miles and hours long. We end up feeling even more discouraged and depleted because we feel it's going to take a lot longer to "fix it" than we thought it would. We become obsessed and depressed, feeling like we're never going to figure this thing called "life" out and that that is, somehow, a bad thing.

The secret is...there is no secret. None of us are ever going to completely figure life out. I love studying the universe, I really do. However, it really can get way too complicated. Getting so immersed in spirituality can get you stuck in your head, causing you to become your own worst enemy, like a person on trial being badgered by a prosecutor to the point where you admit to a crime you didn't even commit.
I know many spiritual teachers will tell you that it's going to feel worse for awhile while you peel back the layers, but sometimes I really do feel like we are creating a problem that wasn't even there in the first place. Which then proves the law of attraction right because even MORE bad shit starts happening then because that's our point of focus. That, my friends, is exactly what anxiety is. It's a vicious cycle. If these practices don't give you anxiety, great! There are times when therapy and peeling back layers of our deep seeded emotions is the key to our healing. But I know many people, myself sometimes included, who have felt worse at times when turning to the universal teachings and even church.

The same can be said about life in general. Everyone is obsessed with finding the hidden or deeper meaning to everything! There's still something to be said about being forthcoming, upfront, straight forward with no hidden agenda. We do and say the things we do and say because we want to. Period, end of story.

Life is really a lot simpler than we make it out to be. Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you happy and let the people who are important to you know just how much they mean to you. Think back to a time when you were at your happiest: What were you doing? What types of people were you surrounding yourself with? Go do that, even for just a few minutes a day on the phone with someone you always have a good time around.

Be natural. Let it come naturally. Anything forced will just create resistance to what's going on and more suppression to what you're feeling.

What Does Healing Mean to Me

I've grown up always resisting the word "healing." Personally, I feel that we all choose the lessons we want to learn and the life we want to live. Therefore, I've never wanted to be "healed" of my disability. I know I'm meant to learn things and meant to teach others a lot as well. Plus, who wants so many damn surgeries?! 


I firmly believe that we only need to heal emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The rest takes care of itself or begins to no longer matter anymore. If things keep going wrong for us and drama or chaos keep ensuing, it means we are off balance within, resisting our path and the universe/God is trying to nudge us back on track. 

So what do we do? How do we heal our mind and spirit when everything seems to be going wrong? We simply have faith and surrender. As a control freak and perfectionist, this was a hard lesson for me to learn, but I'm getting better at it! Of course, we always have to examine what we can change but it is so important that we adapt, go with the flow and trust that everything is happening as it should be!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ruj9ifkh-7E

Heroin Injection Facilities...Are You Kidding Me?!

I was watching "Tucker Tonight" last night and he had someone on talking about heroin injection facilities. That immediately caught my attention because my brother was an addict for years before committing suicide last year. As you can imagine, THIS news makes me SICK!

I don't understand it. I mean, it's one of those situations where I want to channel Estelle Getty, Sophia Petrillo from "The Golden Girls", and say "your heart is in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is!" I understand this will significantly crack down on the occurrences of HIV, hepatitis and the like but people are going to probably die from the heroin if they don't stop using it. I also understand that addiction is not easy to "cure", as there is no cure right now. If it were easy, we wouldn't have overdoses, suicides, relapses or people on waiting lists for help at rehab facilities that currently have no room for them. However, surely there has to be another idea we can collectively come up with besides glorifying using and making it seem okay to do.

Tucker Carlson put it perfectly. If you're going to invest money on a drug program, why not make it something that will discourage its use and attempt to stop the epidemic, not try to normalize or encourage it and make it okay? They say the heroin injection facilities are for people to have a safe place to do it but, um, it's not a safe thing to do no matter which way you look at it! Time, money and energy would be better spent on bettering the rehab facilities, outpatient and transitional care for the people who want substantial help and can't get it, as well as even help for the families and friends of the addict. There are so many people without adequate health care to receive extended, quality care. Some people can't even stay a full 30 days in any facility because their healthcare won't cover it. 

There is so much wrong with our system in so many areas, but in regards to addiction it is a mess and I can attest to that. I saw the lengths my brother had to go and hoops he had to climb through to get any sort of help. I also saw the discouragement he felt and how, at times, it felt easier to just use. I don't want another person to go through that or another family to lose someone because their loved one felt that way. 

Fortunately, I do have friends who have a foundation that is designed to help addicts who want to get clean and sober but don't have the financial means to do so. Visit them for more information and/or to donate at http://nowmattersmore.org