How I Cope with Death...Happy Father's Day to All Those in Heaven

*edited yearly to correct amount of time passed*

This will be my 7th Father's Day without my dad and it will be 8 years since I lost him at the end of July. I'm no expert, at the end of the day I'm still just  a girl who lost her father. But I have grieved just as all of the other daughters and sons who have lost their own father, so I thought I'd share what works for me.

We lost my dad in under a year and the end of his (physical) life was pretty quick. He had come down with his third bout of pneumonia due to the leukemia and we just thought they'd go through the same procedure and he'd come home. But that never happened. That week was hell because they'd put him on life support without my moms consent. I never went up because I didn't want to remember him with tubes all over him and, to this day, it is a decision I don't regret. I gave my mom a letter to read to him and I know his soul was with me as I wrote it, as he was preparing to go to heaven. I also did see him after they took the machines off and he held on for 3 hours and 15 minutes.

I grieved hard, like any typical daddy's little girl. I still grieve and have my days. But I also have more faith in the spirit world than I do of earth. We never die, we just change form. My dad is still with me every day, hanging out with me as I lay out in the sun especially. And he's healthy, whole and not in any pain. He's got his hands full again with my brother up there with him! Sure, summer is harder knowing it was my dad and brother's (who we also lost) favorite season, as well as mine. But trusting and knowing that he (they) are still around enjoying it with me, and even a part of creating it now, gives me peace.

On Father's Day, my dad's birthday and other holidays I always like to remember the good times. Not the hard or sad times, not even the heartwarming good times that would still make me cry. My dad was a funny guy, though often times he'd say I was the only one who got his humor. So I like to remember and reflect on the moments that will keep a smile on my face, a laugh in my belly and love in my heart. That is my wish for all of you reading this now who also lost your fathers.

Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers, both on earth and in heaven and to all of the mothers who are also dad too! Happy Father's Day, Daddy💖

God Laughs At Our Plans...I Was Supposed to Be In Florida

I just had one of those days where everything suddenly made sense and the day isn't even over. Actually, the last 2 days I've had this epiphany that just made complete sense. First the death of Christina Grimmie and then the mass shooting in Orlando. So how does this pertain to me and God's plan for me in NY?

I was supposed to be in Florida for the past few days.

For the past few months, friends of mine were planning a charity event. It was a struggle; from people not showing interest, to issues within the organization running it...nothing was going their way and I was in desperate need of a vacation. So we were all frustrated. It was apparent God thought now wasn't the time, though none of us knew why.

It literally just hit me today that this was why. God didn't want any of us in Florida right now. He, the universe, angels all saw what was happening and wanted to protect us from it. This is a big lesson for me, and for many of us. In the grand scheme of things, we only go when we are supposed to, whether that be death, a vacation or even a move. As hard as it is to grasp, it was the time for all lives lost. We don't know why, but maybe God and the universe wanted their death to trigger a change in this world. Just as there is a reason He spared the lives He spared that made it out alive or, like my friends and I, kept lives out of Florida completely during this time.

That does not, under any circumstances, mean I am retracting my previous blog that this is all bullshit and a senseless act of terrorism. But in an effort to bring some understanding to the situation, it's all part of God's plan to change us, to change the world. It's up to us whether we let that be for better or for worse. At the end of the day, we must trust that He knows what He is doing.

Again, my thoughts and prayers to all of those affected by the events in Florida the past few days; the lives lost and those left behind in grief.

Christina Grimmie, Orlando Shooting & the 2nd Amendment

People have it backwards when they sarcastically say things like "thank God that shooter had a gun to protect themselves from all of the people dancing and having fun." No, that shooter schmuck was a criminal and if the victims or the others who were left untouched had guns, maybe his would have been stopped halfway out of his pocket before anyone (but him) got hurt. Criminals do not follow gun laws and nothing they do is ever in self defense. Why is that so hard for people to understand?!

Do I think we need to have heavier investigation into the types of people allowed to obtain gun licenses? Yes. But criminals, especially ISLAMIC RADICAL EXTREMIST TERRORISTS, will not follow any laws. And before you get up my ass on being a hater of Muslims, I'm not. I've met plenty of peaceful Muslims and there are extremists in ALL religions. But when *ISIS, a RADICAL ISLAMIC TERRORIST GROUP, said 3 days ago they were going to do this in Orlando* that should have been taken seriously. Knowing our government, we bought and had their weapons cleaned for them, bowed to them and toasted at dinner to celebrate. This is a border issue, not a gun issue. Come here legally and we won't have a problem, otherwise get the fuck out and don't come back unless you want to know what barbed wire between your legs feels like (Golden Girls reference, sorry LOL.)

Look, the situations in Florida over the past 2 days are grim (no pun intended) no matter how you look at it. But it's been proven through break ins across the US, that in so many instances the home owner will take care of the person who got into their home before the cops even leave for the scene. Let's take it a step further too. If guns kill people and need to be banned, what about killers who use knives, bats, wires, phones to clock someone with to get them off of them? What about people who defend themselves and end up killing someone with a frying pan, stabbing them with a fork in the eye or whatever else they can reach? We will just create another problem for those with eating disorders by banning all food that needs to be cut. Yes, that was sort of a joke but the way this world is going by not blaming the criminal, but instead the weapon or sometimes the victim, it's not that far off.

That's another thing, cops. They're people trying to do their job. Are some corrupt? Probably, just like with any profession. But the amount of shit these men and women get for protecting citizens is disgusting. I'm so sick of people turning everything into anti cop and racist bullshit. How about people are just being assholes and need to follow the law? Please, spare me of your list, in your perspective, of people you feel were unjustly shot by cops. As I said, some are corrupt and in this day and age where we're more divided than together with race and other issues (how ironic), that's why they make the news and the good cops and good people who follow the law of the 2nd amendment are rarely ever seen unless you dig up their story.

I don't have all the answers. All I know is criminals don't follow laws, there's too much hate against people who are different. This was done at a predominantly LGBT club. People need to be accepted for who they are and terrorists need to quit killing our people, no matter their race, sexual orientation, religion etc. The world is so different than when I was growing up. I don't know if it'll ever be the same, but I hope so.


Prayers to all those affected in the last 48 hours.

* http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2016/06/isis-announced-florida-attack-three-days-ago/

Push Past Paralysis

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Truth, Crying, Lies, Smiling

I'm sorry, I'm a very blunt person. I'm the one people go to if they wanna hear how it really is. I'm not gonna sugar coat it because it'll hurt more in the end.

I don't understand how people can live in a lie, or appreciate a fake friendship or relationship once they find out they've been lied to. Cuz it will come out. It always does. So just be honest so that you can actually talk through the issues, maybe find some common ground and move forward without having to keep things bottled in while lying through your teeth just so you don't hurt someone.

It may sound cliche, but honesty is always the best policy. That only hurts you more in the end.

The Old Me Is The Best New Me

I was binge watching seasons 1 & 2 of "Grace & Frankie" and Lily Tomlin, who plays Frankie, said this. How many times, in the midst of chaos and hard times, do we forget our own strength and power? Sometimes, channeling ourselves when we were at our best is all we need to do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GK3Fq0cbyqY

You Are Where You're Meant to Be...For Now

I just showed my mom a picture I was tagged in from 6th grade. She asked me, "don't you wish you were that age again??" My reply was, "no, too much cool shit has happened to me since then."

And that's the truth. Sure, I have amazing memories from my entire life so far, but many of those things took place after that picture. More importantly, I choose to believe Danny Gokey when he sings "My Best Days Are Ahead of Me."

I believe we are always where we are meant to be and it is always leading us to the place for our highest good. Sure, there are hard times we all go through and wish we weren't going through it at the time. But nothing lasts forever, including the hard times. They are merely lessons we must learn in order to appreciate all of the good in store for us.

Wishing we were somewhere else in life is not living in the present. It fills us with nothing but envy, anger, resentment, sorrow, sadness and any negative emotion we can think of. Even reminiscing has an heir of negativity. Think about it, how many times have we all said "those were the good old days!" As if we won't ever have days that good, or better, ever again. We won't, only if we decide we won't.

Mother kills her disabled daughter, then attempts suicide

There were 2 stories recently about disabled kids that pissed me off. I spoke about one in the last blog, but I speak about it in my newest vlog too, as well as another story that was even worse.

Apparently, a mother was dying of cancer and she didn't trust the government with her disabled child so she killed her and then attempted suicide. I understand not trusting the good for nothing system. What I never understand or condone is murder...

https://youtu.be/8iOtlr5skR0

Dear Parents of Disabled Kids

I was on Facebook today and saw a video that absolutely disgusted me. A friend of mine posted it with nothing but good intentions, but everything was wrong with it. I will link it at the end of this blog, but first let's discuss.

There is nothing wrong with people with disabilities, I don't care how severe. If someone on their deathbed can hear you, I don't care how severely "disabled" someone is, they can hear you too if they are not classified as hearing impaired. The video was of this man sobbing next to his 2 year old disabled son and his other child was reading the feed of his chat a few feet away, also susceptible to everything the father was saying.

He was crying about how his son would never do this or that, asking himself basically what he did to deserve it. Don't get me wrong, no child is ever sunshine and roses 24/7 so even parents of children without disabilities will go through weak moments and they're totally entitled to it. But a parent's #1 job is to love and BELIEVE in their child ABOVE ALL ELSE. Above their own doubts, above anything a doctor says...about EVERYTHING.

He's probably right because whether you think you can or can't, you're right. So he's going to raise his son under the assumption he WILL NOT improve and reach strides like other kids. And his other child will hear all of it. My younger brother got nervous something would happen to me even though I was raised as being no different. I can't imagine how damaging it would have been to hear my parents cry and act like they're being punished. For myself and my brother, that would have given no hope. It was so normal for him to see me in a wheelchair, he asked when he was getting one!

Listen, I'm by no means saying most of it will be easy for any parent, let alone a single one with a special needs child and their sibling to take care of. But this guy needs to be careful because the other child sounded like he was consoling his grown father and that's not healthy for a child to step into that role. If he wants to break down and cry, he should do it alone or find friends in a support group. I recommend an uplifting one where parents do more than sit around and cry, but instead encourage each other.

My parents raised me to believe I can do anything, despite doctors telling them I'd pretty much be a vegetable my entire life (doctors' words) and it's helped me grow into the self sufficient woman I am today. To be honest, I'm probably better mentally than most who are walking around. I do everything except walk and I'm by no means a vegetable. It's all in how you raise your kids, not the circumstances they're born under or what a doctor tells you. Don't give up on them before they even have a chance because proving doctors wrong has been so much fun for me!

Here is the video:

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1282174208481190&id=731743396857610

Here is a video I made last year on the subject of parents who have children with disabilities:


 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gghr9aODvUU

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Disabilities & Lack Mentality

Whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you're right. Too many people have a lack mentality nowadays, especially people with physical challenges.

https://youtu.be/JIvIpH2_UKY

The worst meme ever for wheelchairs!

I hate being categorized or having someone have pity on me. THIS meme pissed me off for all those in wheelchairs.

http://youtu.be/DMzUGkRhpUE

Is it Gratitude or Envy?

I had to share this. A friend of mine sent it to me today and while I agree with the sentiment of gratitude, I think the ultimate message is so misguided and most people in society won't even realize it til I point it out. She knows me well and that is exactly why she sent it to me.

There is such a stigma around, well, everyone nowadays. The stigma around people in wheelchairs has always rolled (haha) off my back because if someone isn't directly affected, it's just said without thinking. Like everything else in life. But when a video like this circulates the internet I have to speak up. Because so many people DO believe this about THEMSELVES. I don't care what anyone thinks of me or of people in wheelchairs. What I do care about is the person who watches the end of this video, or even the whole thing, and RELATES.

This isn't about gratitude. It's about envy. When telling someone ELSE that they should be grateful cuz "at least you can do this and I can't" that's lack mentality and, if you know me at all, you know I HATE the words "I can't".

The people in this video are feeling sorry for themselves and they need to cut that shit out, STOP comparing and push themselves past the limiting beliefs they have. My message to anyone watching this video is turn it off, go do something you're great at and TRY one small thing you think you can't do, or that your ego tells you you can't do. Go into it with the belief that you can.You're going to shock yourself.

Getting off the soap box now. Watch the video and try not to throw up or roll your eyes.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1085457034848518&id=673094636084762&refsrc=https%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com%2FThinkingHumanity%2Fvideos%2F1085457034848518%2F&_rdr