Which Way Are You Digging?

I posted something on my instagram that said: "Become uncomfortable with being too comfortable in an uncomfortable situation." Someone replied asking what it meant so I said it means to not be okay with being in a shitty situation in life and to dig your way out (with help, if needed.) The person replied, "I'm digging."

Immediately, this posed a follow up question in my mind that I did not ask. The question was, "which way are you digging?" You have a few choices in any situation. You can dig your own hole, you can dig a deeper hole or dig your way out of a situation or even a feeling. But the only way out is through.

Often times the very thing you're using to cope is actually digging you deeper into your problem or bad feelings. It's numbing you and you won't even realize it until you recognize that you aren't reacting at all to the shit going on around you. You act indifferent and, because you aren't sobbing or losing your mind, you may think you're doing okay. But you still aren't dealing with the problem. The feeling creates more problems and you end up feeling like you can't turn to anyone.

To dig your way out of a problem takes action outside of your own head. Yes, inner work is a big part of it too, but you need to really take a good look at your life and change SOMETHING. Otherwise everything will stay the same, sometimes things will worsen and dig you deeper. Changing one small thing can, will and should create a domino effect. It sounds simple and obvious, maybe even too good to be true, but it is true.

You also cannot dig someone else out of their own shit. You can listen and be a helping hand when they ask, but you can't do it for them. Even if you could, that would be taking on their journey for them and they wouldn't learn all of the life lessons they signed up to learn. That can be a hard thing to come to terms with, especially when it's someone you love. All you can do is live your own life the best way you can and hope it inspires them to do the same.

I discuss more about change in my previous blog:
http://marissameleske.blogspot.com/2017/01/my-2017-new-years-resolution.html?m=1

My 2017 New Year's Resolution

I've thought long and hard about my New Years resolution for 2017. I'm going to work just as hard keeping it as I did thinking of what it would be. It's definitely not as cliche as it may sound. I'm going to embrace change and learn to love it.

Life was amazing growing up. I can't remember many hard times and I'm grateful for that. As I got older, I realized that tragedy makes change hard. A lot happened in a short amount of time that has made me afraid of change. Any change signified things getting worse or harder. I know many people can relate to this. It's like if you're unhappy with something and want SOMETHING to change, like something's GOTTA give, but you don't want even more to go badly so you just keep things the way they are. The only thing is comfortability is dangerous.

If things change rapidly for the worst, it can make you yearn for the past and be scared to break out and change anything about your life for the better. It's safer to keep things as they are. So what should you do? Become uncomfortable with being too comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. But don't overwhelm yourself trying to change everything at once, otherwise you won't change anything. 

I can only go by what I'm going to do and suggest it to you. Start small with changing the time you wake up (earlier is always better, unless you NEED more sleep and already are up before dawn.) A change of scenery is always good too. Maybe a different area to read or do work in. Change one thing you do daily, just one small thing. Eventually, things will move in a direction you like more and more and you'll embrace change. You may even learn to love it. 

Life is always changing. That's part of the problem I've had with change. As I said earlier, so much changed at once for me. My dad had a rough few years before he got sick and passed away in about a years' time in 2009. We moved and had hurricane Sandy after that, losing everything. A few more moves happened and then we lost my brother in 2015. It's forced me to adapt and trust that, even when I can't figure out what's happening, everything will be okay. Everything is always happening for a reason and I have to trust God and the universe. That makes it easier to adapt to these changes in life. 

Something else I'm finally learning is that I can't change anyone else, nor can I change their minds or situation unless they're ready. I've always known that but let it frustrate me. I'm learning to accept it as one of the things I cannot change, while hoping that by living my life it will inspire others to do the same.

I've been watching a lot of my favorite coaches and speakers lately. So I thought I'd tell you something I learned from each of them.

Sunny Dawn Johnston is always talking about us being the only one we can change!

Don't let anyone make you play small. - Lisa Nichols

Don't settle. - Trent Shelton

Take no shit. - Matthew hussey 

I'm Not Where I Want To Be Yet

I just had an epiphany and literally opened up my app to write. I was watching a YouTube video by one of the many inspirational people I follow and it just hit me. I've been very frustrated lately about not being where I want to be in life. It's the curse of turning 30. You analyze and criticize your choices and your place in life like CRAZY. I've been meditating and praying about it and I swear my prayers were answered in the form of this video by Angela Rockwood.

https://youtu.be/YgIfm-e_oYQ

If you're not where you want to be yet...that's GOOD. The day you have everything you want is the day you stop living and cease dreaming. You should never be fully satisfied. You should be content and grateful and even happy, yes. But you should ALWAYS be striving and dreaming big and pushing yourself to the next level. 

We limit ourselves so much by our contentment and our limitations. We place them on ourselves. No one can place a limitation on you, not even society, unless you take it from them and accept it as your own. I find that the more I desire, the more I grow past my current circumstances. 

I'm a control freak. I have an order in my head of how I want things to go because I feel inadequate in some areas. But I realize, now, that in the back of my mind I'm giving off the vibration of the LAST words I ever want to say: "I can't (until)...". If you know me at all, I try to never say the phrase "I can't." However, saying that I'm going to or want to do this before gives off the vibration and impression that I'm not going to do the other thing because I can't since the first thing hasn't happened yet. Does that make sense? It did in my head. 

Point being, I've decided to stop giving the Universe and God a time table. He laughs at our plans anyway. This is a big lesson for me on surrender. I have to let go and let God and spirit guide me. I've decided to go with the flow...at least a little more often.

Merry Christmas To All Those With Empty Seats At The Table

This year, more than ever, I'm feeling the loss of my father and brother. Christmas is in 2 days, as of the time I'm beginning to write this blog. I know they're here, but I'm still feeling their losses. 

It got me thinking about how many people are spending this Christmas with one or more empty seats at the table. Whether your loved one passed away, you aren't getting along or they're off fighting for our freedoms. Whatever the case may be, you're left behind to mourn their absence in some way and will see that empty seat at the table.

There is no simple answer. There is no secret. There is no dessert, no gift that will make up for the loss or replace the physical presence of our loved ones. All we can do is be grateful for the time we had with them and continue to make them proud today and every day. Especially at this time of year, when we can all believe in magic, we have to believe they see us when we're sleeping and know when we're awake. For those who have lost parents, they also know if we've been bad or good...so be good for goodness sake! Okay, I'm done! Admit it, that was funny. Don't be a Scrooge! 

Merry Christmas...even if you don't celebrate🎄🎁🎅 to those who are offended, Bah Humbug! 😂

The Universe IS Anxiety

You read that title correctly. Sometimes the universe is anxiety. Yes, that's a metaphor, not a simile. Forget the fancy schmancy terminology; vibration, law of attraction, manifestation. It is all true, don't get me wrong, but I think that because it is so unnatural to so many people, it feels more complicated than it should and not enough people end up willing to practice the principles.

Most of us aren't in a good head space when we venture into actively studying the universe. We may have been into it before but we begin to really delve deeper when we want some type of change to occur in our lives. So we reach out to a church or metaphysical text, YouTube videos and blogs. What we come upon is miles and hours long. We end up feeling even more discouraged and depleted because we feel it's going to take a lot longer to "fix it" than we thought it would. We become obsessed and depressed, feeling like we're never going to figure this thing called "life" out and that that is, somehow, a bad thing.

The secret is...there is no secret. None of us are ever going to completely figure life out. I love studying the universe, I really do. However, it really can get way too complicated. Getting so immersed in spirituality can get you stuck in your head, causing you to become your own worst enemy, like a person on trial being badgered by a prosecutor to the point where you admit to a crime you didn't even commit.
I know many spiritual teachers will tell you that it's going to feel worse for awhile while you peel back the layers, but sometimes I really do feel like we are creating a problem that wasn't even there in the first place. Which then proves the law of attraction right because even MORE bad shit starts happening then because that's our point of focus. That, my friends, is exactly what anxiety is. It's a vicious cycle. If these practices don't give you anxiety, great! There are times when therapy and peeling back layers of our deep seeded emotions is the key to our healing. But I know many people, myself sometimes included, who have felt worse at times when turning to the universal teachings and even church.

The same can be said about life in general. Everyone is obsessed with finding the hidden or deeper meaning to everything! There's still something to be said about being forthcoming, upfront, straight forward with no hidden agenda. We do and say the things we do and say because we want to. Period, end of story.

Life is really a lot simpler than we make it out to be. Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you happy and let the people who are important to you know just how much they mean to you. Think back to a time when you were at your happiest: What were you doing? What types of people were you surrounding yourself with? Go do that, even for just a few minutes a day on the phone with someone you always have a good time around.

Be natural. Let it come naturally. Anything forced will just create resistance to what's going on and more suppression to what you're feeling.

What Does Healing Mean to Me

I've grown up always resisting the word "healing." Personally, I feel that we all choose the lessons we want to learn and the life we want to live. Therefore, I've never wanted to be "healed" of my disability. I know I'm meant to learn things and meant to teach others a lot as well. Plus, who wants so many damn surgeries?! 


I firmly believe that we only need to heal emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The rest takes care of itself or begins to no longer matter anymore. If things keep going wrong for us and drama or chaos keep ensuing, it means we are off balance within, resisting our path and the universe/God is trying to nudge us back on track. 

So what do we do? How do we heal our mind and spirit when everything seems to be going wrong? We simply have faith and surrender. As a control freak and perfectionist, this was a hard lesson for me to learn, but I'm getting better at it! Of course, we always have to examine what we can change but it is so important that we adapt, go with the flow and trust that everything is happening as it should be!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ruj9ifkh-7E

Heroin Injection Facilities...Are You Kidding Me?!

I was watching "Tucker Tonight" last night and he had someone on talking about heroin injection facilities. That immediately caught my attention because my brother was an addict for years before committing suicide last year. As you can imagine, THIS news makes me SICK!

I don't understand it. I mean, it's one of those situations where I want to channel Estelle Getty, Sophia Petrillo from "The Golden Girls", and say "your heart is in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is!" I understand this will significantly crack down on the occurrences of HIV, hepatitis and the like but people are going to probably die from the heroin if they don't stop using it. I also understand that addiction is not easy to "cure", as there is no cure right now. If it were easy, we wouldn't have overdoses, suicides, relapses or people on waiting lists for help at rehab facilities that currently have no room for them. However, surely there has to be another idea we can collectively come up with besides glorifying using and making it seem okay to do.

Tucker Carlson put it perfectly. If you're going to invest money on a drug program, why not make it something that will discourage its use and attempt to stop the epidemic, not try to normalize or encourage it and make it okay? They say the heroin injection facilities are for people to have a safe place to do it but, um, it's not a safe thing to do no matter which way you look at it! Time, money and energy would be better spent on bettering the rehab facilities, outpatient and transitional care for the people who want substantial help and can't get it, as well as even help for the families and friends of the addict. There are so many people without adequate health care to receive extended, quality care. Some people can't even stay a full 30 days in any facility because their healthcare won't cover it. 

There is so much wrong with our system in so many areas, but in regards to addiction it is a mess and I can attest to that. I saw the lengths my brother had to go and hoops he had to climb through to get any sort of help. I also saw the discouragement he felt and how, at times, it felt easier to just use. I don't want another person to go through that or another family to lose someone because their loved one felt that way. 

Fortunately, I do have friends who have a foundation that is designed to help addicts who want to get clean and sober but don't have the financial means to do so. Visit them for more information and/or to donate at http://nowmattersmore.org 

There's Always Something to Be Thankful For

Sometimes I feel guilty for remaining so positive. Sometimes I feel like I'm "supposed" to be more upset about some things that happen in life than I actually am. That's not to say I don't allow horrible situations to affect me, but I tend to bounce back and look at the positive or the big picture. Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm bottling it up and it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks one day. But maybe, just maybe, I'm focusing my energy and my mind where it needs to be...Gratitude.

This past year and a half hasn't been the easiest for myself, my family and many others. Actually, life has had its share of ups and downs since my dad passed away in 2009. However, I'm still here which means I have two choices; exist and be miserable or live and be happy! It's not always an easy choice to make. Sometimes I'm filled with guilt if I'm too happy on some days. During those times I remind myself that my dad and my brother (who passed away last year) would not want me to live miserably. So I make it a point to love something about every single day.

Since this is a public blog, I'm going to skip the generic list of answers that include everything I've been grateful for for the past 30 years. This year, I'm especially grateful for the experiences I've had and the people I've met. In an attempt not to make this extremely long, I'll say this; it is not nearly enough to send all of my love and gratitude to Paulie, Linda, Paul, Aunt Caren, Angelina and Cody Calafiore. I feel beyond blessed that God and the universe has allowed me to cross paths with you and I will never take it for granted. I love you all. I'm also thankful for the friends I've made this year and even the haters for clicking my blogs. Without knowing it, you helped my read count go up and for that, I'm grateful and truly touched that you took the time to do that (trying not to let on that I'm being sarcastic in a nice blog.)

Gratitude truly is one of the biggest keys to a happy life. If you're grateful, you'll receive more to be grateful for and be able to spread that to others. However, the same can be said for bitterness, so you need to choose wisely. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

The Government is an Enabler to Mental Imprisonment

I am one of the rare finds in the "disabled community." What I mean by that is, I hate my disability check. Yes, you read that right. Let me explain why.

I'm a registered independent. I was a registered democrat when I worked my seasonal job, but a registered republican before that. Now I'm an independent who leans republican when I vote. Why? I'm for small government. I realize that this goes against what most believe in the disabled community. Many have expressed that to me. However, I don't think the way I think because I happened to be born with a disability. I just think like a person. I want to LIVE like a HUMAN BEING.

I'll never forget when my dad was sick with leukemia before ultimately passing away. I was working a 9-5 at the time, and thought I would work a ton of O/T so that he didn't have to work as much, especially on the days after chemo. He'd still insist on driving about a half hour to pick me up, but I digress. I get my stubbornness from him AND mom. Anyway, this went on for awhile, until a few weeks later when my disability check didn't come. Apparently, they felt they could decide I'd worked too much, meanwhile it wasn't near equal to what my disability check was. They take you off once you make a certain amount.

This began a cycle of me starting my own business, which had been a dream of mine, and that fear would (and still sometimes does) always creep in of "what happens when I start making X amount?" This is the sole (or should I say "soul") reason I haven't been making money in my business. Unconsciously, I've developed a poverty mindset, which was the goal of the government all along. They support victimhood, reliance on them and fear. You're easier to control that way.

This often ends up affecting your entire psyche if you're not careful. That's how you know it's all a mind game with the government. Sooner or later, you'll feel fear and doubt about other areas of your life. It becomes a nasty cycle that you CAN regain control of and stop.

So yes, I can't wait until my business flourishes and I don't NEED that check from the government. I am opening myself up to all of the abundance and lives to touch that God and the universe has for me. It's not the governments job to do that for me or to tell me what that is!

Happy Birthday Paulie

I believe in giving someone meaningful gifts. Generic gifts that aren't going to mean anything to the person is just not my thing. So what better present from me (besides the shirt) for Paulie Calafiore's birthday than a blog about why I appreciate him?

In life, many people just aren't as genuine as they used to be anymore. Everyone is always looking out for themselves, taking, needing praise but never truly appreciating it from a place that's not ego centered. That is the polar opposite of Paulie. He puts a positive spin to everything, including the Maya Angelou quote: "When people show you who they are... believe them."

I've met a lot of "well known" people in my life. It comes with living just a short train ride from NYC. Most were nice enough, many were extremely nice and there were a few who thought their shit smelled like roses. I've never met someone who has gone so above and beyond for me and everyone he meets the way Paulie has. The meet & greet was an amazing experience and it didn't stop there. I asked him that night (10/8) if he'd want to work out with someone in a wheelchair and just 3 days later (10/11) I was in his gym with him in NJ.

I know I've said it in my blog about my day at SWEAT working out with Paulie and meeting him at his homecoming party, but to be pushed and encouraged the way he did when he trained me and his extremely heartfelt gratitude toward me at his homecoming party for basically doing nothing, only supporting him like I would have anyway, really meant a lot to me. 

I'm a strong person. Sometimes, I'm too strong. I usually brush off compliments and gratitude. I never ask for help. I guess I feel like I have something to prove because a lot of people just stereotype and assume you need help with everything when you're in a wheelchair. I encourage myself and never ask for it of someone else. When I get any of the things I mentioned, I'm always listening for the undertone of condescension, as if people think I can't do it for myself. With Paulie, he's genuine and means everything he says in the most heartfelt way (except, ya know, in the Big Brother house when he had to lie LMFAO.) He brings out the best in everyone just by exuding positive and loving energy for life and for everyone around him. He exemplifies selflessness and shows that by doing for others, it only adds to our own lives. He pushes you to be better through his own passion and determination. He has done that for me every time I'm in his presence and I've watched others' faces light up in the same ways.  

People have said that the videos of me working out with Paulie sound familiar to their physical therapy and training. Believe me, I've been through more PT than I can count and to gyms long term before. I've never been trained so relentlessly but encouragingly before. His passion for fitness and life and his genuine heart shown through the entire time.

Happy birthday, Paulie. I hope you have the best day filled with nothing but love! You deserve it! I had this idea to create a video of the encouragement and push you gave me when you trained me at SWEAT. I laughed when I went through the video to find highlights. The entire video is 8:30 long and this highlight video is 4:30 long. That goes to show just how much encouragement you get from someone with a heart of gold, determination, drive and optimism like no other. And that isn't even close to half of our time together! That, in itself, is a testament to the amazing person you are.  

To Paul and Linda, thank you for raising such an incredible son (and another amazing son and daughter too).

Thanks to Mo (Zauliebaby) for condensing the highlights of the original video for me! 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3865h9f8Ny2bV96SWFzZU1KRE0/view?usp=sharing

My Thoughts on Election 2016

Today is November 9th and we have a new president, Donald Trump. I have many thoughts on this, so I hope you keep an open mind and read what I have to say. I know many people are upset and scared. I'm going to go through the issues and hopeful maybe calm some fears.

Donald has been right on policies for 30 years that both sides got wrong. He was invited to those meetings for a reason. He's said the same things for years, not because he's a broken record, but because we still have the same issues that no one is doing anything about yet. He has the opportunity to do so now. He was speaking about issues most important to the American people; jobs and national security being top of the list. Through some lows in his businesses, he has shown what can still happen, even when the odds are stacked against you and that is admirable to me. He's suffered setbacks like all businessmen and rebuilt.

If you think about it and listen closely to what Donald has said, he's the most anti war candidate we've had on the republican side in awhile. He wants to negotiate and make good deals before going into any wars we can't afford. He's negotiated with people and created jobs all of his life. He's not going to just up and make irrational decisions. He's criticized Obama for his excessive use of executive order, I highly doubt he will do the same. He will rely on his cabinet for a lot, which isn't a weakness. It is the way our government is meant to be run.

No one thought badly of Donald until he ran for office as a republican. Look at old pictures of him. People of all different ethnicities used to flock to him. Then he became public enemy number one. He is not responsible for the racist, bigoted things SOME of his supporters have said. And not all of us have said it or believe it at all. On the other hand, it's been proven that people have been paid to say and do things to him and his supporters at rallies. He's said questionable things, but I trust actions over words and would rather hear too much than too little. Being against Illegal immigration isn't racist. Stop categorizing by race, especially when legal status has everything to do with taxes and nothing to do with race. Illegal immigration is a color blind issue. If you're here legally, I don't know why you're freaking out. I have friends who came here legally and are downright insulted over the influx of illegal immigrants and all they've been able to mooch out of this country. I also know quite a few gays who have decided that the issues this country faces is what's most important to them. As for race, 2 of Trump's biggest supports are black women. They have been making videos of their support from the very beginning and it wasn't just for show. They never expected to grow so popular, popular enough to have him Trump reach out to them. They speak about us coming together as Americans and members of the HUMAN race. 

I supported Herman Cain when he ran in the primaries a few elections ago. He is a black conservative, but more importantly he is a business man like Donald Trump. That is the mentality we need for our economy. He even had accusations of sexual assault thrown at him too, but it was upsetting his family so he dropped out. Coincidentally, the charges were dropped right after. Mission accomplished to his Nay Sayers. Trump's sexual assault cases were dropped and it's just funny to me how the women accused him in the 11th hour, when people just started to believe he could actually become president. I listened to the infamous hot mic tape and, to me, "they let you do whatever" implies consent. With that being said, no one complained about Bill's ACTIONS in the actual Oval Office because we had a surplus in our economy, but they'll complain about a crude comment Trump made, hanging with the guys, way before running for public office.

Let me be clear. You may not know this, but I was never a fan of Donald Trump before he ran for president. I thought he was overrated and egotistical. I've since met him and his family and they all could not be more gracious and down to earth. Whether you like him or not, Donald Trump's campaign is admirable. He was the epitome of; "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win" from Mahatma Gandhi. I truly do believe he can and will help us out. If you still hate him, just try to think of it this way. Would his ego REALLY let him fail? The world is watching. Think about that for a minute.

To my family and friends and to the family and friends of those I know. I'm talking to those of you who have gotten upset at us for being behind Trump, some of whom you've even refused to speak to now. Our support for him is not disloyalty to you. It is merely choosing other issues that are of importance to us. I voted based on the economy, jobs and national security. My choice is based on limited government. I don't want the government to dictate personal or social issues in my life, period. If they have to, give it to the states and not the federal government. Voting based on gender and to make history is ignorant, if you ask me. I know many people of different ethnicities and sexual orientations who feel the same and did, indeed, vote for Donald Trump.

My hope is that we give him a chance as a nation. He earned that by a majority of our votes. I hope he exceeds all of the expectations of those living in fear now. Just remember, you don't have to like a brain surgeon's personality, as long as he gets the job done. It is your right as an American not to like him. But think back to when so many were skeptical about a community organizer running for president and ultimately winning. We gave him a chance...twice. My hope is that Donald remembers he works for us and brings our country to a place of being as prosperous and well respected as we once were.

One last question. Can I still call him The Donald? Cuz I am.

This Is 30

The title for this blog is a spin off of the movie "This Is 40". Today is my 30th birthday and, I admit it, I feel old. I know it will pass, but this is the first birthday in a long time where I've felt old. 

I'm not going through a midlife crisis and I'm not depressed. However, assessing where I've been, where I am and where I'm going is pretty weird today. Life happens and rarely as we expect it to, so it's not unusual that things I've expected to happen, haven't...yet.  

What people may not know is that I'm sometimes as hard on myself as I am on my loved ones and clients. I'm definitely not where I wanted or expected to be by the time I turned 30. I like to be a few steps ahead and know where I'm going, and God forbid anything throws me off. Just ask anyone who knows me. I start planning in advance and must be everywhere early. I also plan how things are going to go in my head. That's a visualization and law of attraction thing for another blog. It works, mostly, but I digress. Life has, of course, been unpredictable and thrown me many curve balls. 

All of that said, I have faith and optimism. I know I'm where I'm meant to be right now and look forward to where I'm going. That's the biggest key in life. Looking forward to what's to come and always believing that the best IS still yet to come. 

Now I have to go color a few grey hairs with mascara. At least I'm ahead of the game with a wheelchair. 

What Happened Last Night?!

"What happened last night?' is definitely not a question I asked myself today! Last night is something I will never forget! I had the honor of attending the movie premiere of a movie by the same name, directed by Candice Cain, at Soundview Cinema in Port Washington, NY. It was definitely a great way to end my 20's, as my 30th birthday is in 2 days!

The movie was absolutely hysterical! I was laughing the entire time. The 2 cast members who stole the show in my eyes were Diana Durango and Cody Calafiore, although the entire cast, which also includes Austin Davis, was really on their A game! I'm not much of a movie goer, so had I not wanted to attend this premiere because of Cody already (and Paulie. What, didn't think I'd mention him? Right...), I would have definitely made sure to look it up if and when it hit television or even Netflix.

There was also a short party before and the cast hung around after. Everyone was so friendly and engaging. Candice was beaming the entire time, not letting an unfortunate foot injury get her down! She and the entire cast seem so grateful for the support and should be extremely proud of this movie! I'm sure it's already on its way to being a big hit!

Special thanks goes out to my Calafiore boys, Paulie and Cody, as well as to Zakiyah for the love last night. I love you all and you always give the love right back! I'm having FOMO tonight not being in Howell!

See "What Happened Last Night?" in a theatre near you!

http://whlnmovie.com/theaters/