Do You Pray FOR or TO Someone Who Dies In "Taboo" Ways?

Today is my brother's 2 year anniversary of the day he passed away. I received many messages, texts and comments of love and support. One in particular caught my attention. I'm not sure if it was a grammar error or not, but it made me think and over analyze...as per usual for me. 

The comment was well meaning, of course, but it made me think of our obsession with religion and how different each religion is from each other. It made me think of my own faith and belief of life after death. 

The comment was "I'll pray for him."

For those of you who don't know, my brother committed suicide. Many people are unsure about whether a troubled person who dies in that way or similar ways really goes to heaven and whether or not they're really at peace. My firm belief is yes to both of those things. 

God isn't a teacher that's going to pass or fail you. Yes, I do believe we can choose to come back here and relearn lessons we didn't learn and I believe we continue to learn in heaven. I don't believe for a second that there is a principal's office in heaven that decides whether or not we get some mean form of detention and sent to hell. This also goes for the cruelest of the cruel people that walk among us here on earth, but that's another blog entirely. 

My philosophy is: Pray TO the dead, pray FOR the living. When someone dies after suffering greatly on earth, they find a peace that they felt they couldn't get to here (NOTE: This is not a reason to convince yourself you'd be better off dead. I don't want that on my conscience.) God doesn't punish us. Some people may feel punished during a life review when they see what their death does to those left behind, but they move past it.

Here's the thing, we love to compare here on earth. From hair, make up, cars, houses and personalities, we are a society that's obsessed with comparison. God doesn't compare deaths and say "oh you suffered from cancer so you go to heaven, you got smashed from a car so you get to go to heaven but oh no...you, there, yeah you...you made some choices to mask your suffering of turmoil inside you that resulted in your death so you have to go to hell." Those left behind also can't measure who suffers more depending on the circumstance of death. 

The fact is, our loved one isn't with us on earth anymore and we're grieving...each and every one of us who have lost someone we love. There isn't anything anyone can say that'll make it better. Most of the time we just want their loved one back which is impossible. However, we can all try to restore the faith of those who are suffering with grief by reassuring them that their loved one is safe, at peace and not suffering.