A World In Crisis - World Mental Health Day

If you live on planet earth and are blessed enough to have access to the internet and television, you've undoubtedly heard about the recent events in Florida, Texas, Puerto Rico, California, Washington and Nevada, as well other countries around the world. I'd like to start by saying that my thoughts and prayers are with all who were affected, as well as all who lost their lives. As hard as these times are, it forces us to think of our fellow Americans and not so much of ourselves and our own personal crisis'. To me, any crisis' boil down to two things; spirituality and mental health. 

In my reflections of everything going on in the world today, I was thinking of what we all can do for victims of the natural disasters, tragedies like the shooting, hurricanes, fires and the drug crisis, which always seems to be pushed aside. Aside from practical ways like donating money, I can only come up with one answer that pertains perfectly to all of these instances and that is to increase mental health awareness and look at things on a spiritual level. Think about it, when you're going through any type of tragic event, often times you need some form of therapy to deal with it, when you're in an addiction or the loved one of an addict you also need some type of therapy to deal with it. Often times tragedy is the beginning of an addiction. You also need to look at why it may be happening from a spiritual level and turn to the God of your own understanding.

Media polarizes everything and it often baffles me that addiction isn't usually what they try to spin...they just don't cover it often at all. On one hand, that lessens the amount of people demonizing the addict (enough people do already though) yet on the other hand it creates an out of sight, out of mind mentality around the subject of addiction altogether. The same can even be said for people who weren't directly affected by the shootings and natural disasters. I'm not sure I'd have the sympathy I do for people that are hit by natural disasters if I hadn't almost lost my life and my family's life in Hurricane Sandy. That sounds bad, but it is definitely true that you have to go through something yourself to truly understand or relate. It doesn't make anyone a bad person for not being affected as much by certain things.

So how do we stop these tragedies from happening? First, we define what we can and cannot change. Often times, we think that we or the government can or should have too much control and, when we don't, it can get frustrating. So what CAN we do? We can start by taking personal responsibility, having self control and control over our own mental health. It is not guns that kill people, in my opinion. It is the person behind that gun or guns...or bombs, knives, fists or what have you. We need to gain control over our emotions, learn to process what's going on in our lives that affects us deeply and move past it in a much healthier way. Healthy coping mechanisms are KEY to ALL of this. In my opinion, it will be what finally unifies us.

People With Disabilities SHOULD Be Pushed Past Paralysis

Recently, a friend and former teacher of mine got a review on a song from his book series turned movie "Mickey Tussler", that features a boy with Aspergers. The series is meant to be uplifting and motivating and I believe it achieves just that. The comment, though, hit enough of a nerve where I just had to speak up about it.

The comment reads as follows:

"This is a potentially harmful, misleading message to be sending to those with special needs. Does one have to be successful on an athletic field in order to be accepted?"

First of all, the author has a passion for sports which is why the book centers around that and is, of course, what the main character in the series is doing. It does not mean that all people with disabilities have to be passionate about the same thing. It also doesn't mean they shouldn't either, though.

What really bothers me about this person's comment is the feeling of "you're accepted just for being you" mentality that I feel coming from them. I'm a big believer in God and the universe and do believe we are all meant to be the way we are for a reason and God doesn't make mistakes. Anyone who knows me or has followed me for any length of time can tell you that, as well as the fact that I do have a disability myself. I do, however, have my own motto in life of "Push Past Paralysis" and firmly believe you should do just that in every area of your life. It doesn't just have to be a physical paralysis or disability.

My parents were given little to no hope that I'd ever lead a "normal" life. The main premise of this series, to me, is that you can do anything you put your mind to, no matter what anyone else says. I don't know how much more uplifting you can get! I'm living proof that that message is pretty accurate!

For anyone interested in all things Mickey Tussler, please visit the links below:

http://www.franknappi.com/
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/buckle-up-and-dig-in-single/id1280040459

Amend the American's With Disabilities Act & Abolish the Pre Existing Buildings Clause!

Please join me in my effort to make this country & world universally designed and accessible for ALL! There should be NO reason that any location is not accessible to people with a disability because it was built before 1990!

Please sign this petition & share it EVERYWHERE!

https://www.change.org/p/department-of-justice-amend-the-america-s-with-disabilities-act-with-no-pre-existing-building-clause?recruiter=5564933&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition

Do You Pray FOR or TO Someone Who Dies In "Taboo" Ways?

Today is my brother's 2 year anniversary of the day he passed away. I received many messages, texts and comments of love and support. One in particular caught my attention. I'm not sure if it was a grammar error or not, but it made me think and over analyze...as per usual for me. 

The comment was well meaning, of course, but it made me think of our obsession with religion and how different each religion is from each other. It made me think of my own faith and belief of life after death. 

The comment was "I'll pray for him."

For those of you who don't know, my brother committed suicide. Many people are unsure about whether a troubled person who dies in that way or similar ways really goes to heaven and whether or not they're really at peace. My firm belief is yes to both of those things. 

God isn't a teacher that's going to pass or fail you. Yes, I do believe we can choose to come back here and relearn lessons we didn't learn and I believe we continue to learn in heaven. I don't believe for a second that there is a principal's office in heaven that decides whether or not we get some mean form of detention and sent to hell. This also goes for the cruelest of the cruel people that walk among us here on earth, but that's another blog entirely. 

My philosophy is: Pray TO the dead, pray FOR the living. When someone dies after suffering greatly on earth, they find a peace that they felt they couldn't get to here (NOTE: This is not a reason to convince yourself you'd be better off dead. I don't want that on my conscience.) God doesn't punish us. Some people may feel punished during a life review when they see what their death does to those left behind, but they move past it.

Here's the thing, we love to compare here on earth. From hair, make up, cars, houses and personalities, we are a society that's obsessed with comparison. God doesn't compare deaths and say "oh you suffered from cancer so you go to heaven, you got smashed from a car so you get to go to heaven but oh no...you, there, yeah you...you made some choices to mask your suffering of turmoil inside you that resulted in your death so you have to go to hell." Those left behind also can't measure who suffers more depending on the circumstance of death. 

The fact is, our loved one isn't with us on earth anymore and we're grieving...each and every one of us who have lost someone we love. There isn't anything anyone can say that'll make it better. Most of the time we just want their loved one back which is impossible. However, we can all try to restore the faith of those who are suffering with grief by reassuring them that their loved one is safe, at peace and not suffering. 

Why Christmas' Broken Ankle Shouldn't Disqualify Her But Open BB19's Eyes

If you've never heard of Big Brother before, all you need to know is everything is fair game for an argument and fight. This doesn't exclude the latest "drama"....houseguest Christmas' broken foot.

Another houseguest ended up causing Christmas to break her foot, severely enough to need surgery that will take up to a year to recover from. She may never even gain full and normal use of her foot. Instead of wishing her well, this of course causes tons of chatter amongst Big Brother fans.

So should Christmas be disqualified from playing Big Brother? My personal opinion is no. I'll take it a step further and say I don't even think she should have to sit out of competitions. I think the burden lies on CBS & Big Brother to make their show more adaptive.

I'm in a wheelchair and, while I personally would never sign up for Big Brother because of the burden it puts on you and your loved ones mentally, I don't think I or anyone else in a wheelchair should be made to feel like we can't even attempt to sign up due to the physical nature of so many of the competitions. It doesn't mean that it's going to be any less difficult for anyone, but there are tweaks that can be made to allow everyone the opportunity to participate.

My YouTube video on the subject: https://youtu.be/1tt5cerjFss

Caitlyn Jenner & Steven Tyler, "Dude Looks Like A Lady" Duet

I'm writing this blog shortly after finding out that Steven Tyler has teamed up with Caitlyn Jenner to sing a duet of "Dude Looks Like A Lady." Of course, there are different emotions being expressed by many different people over this issue. So I thought I'd tell you mine.

I relate to Caitlyn in many ways, so I sympathize with her too. I get flack all the time because people assume since I'm in a wheelchair I must think a certain way, I must take everything about it so seriously and I must stand up and fight for every person in a wheelchair. That is A LOT of pressure to put on someone. I just choose to live, try to be as independent as possible and go after my goals and dreams. I'm not gonna change who I am to appease anyone or pander to anyone. People need to loosen up, especially those who claim they are all about letting people be who they are. I guess it's only when it fits their narrative.

Anyone who questions my feelings, there's always an underlying reason of it being because they're shocked I feel the way I do since I'm in a wheelchair. That's just the way it is and I've accepted it. Because no one will understand if they aren't experiencing it. I don't consider myself part of a community because I appreciate every person having their own identity, hopes, dreams etc. I find that people "in the disabled community" are all at different levels so there isn't really a collective like there is in the LGBTQ community. Many are just going along with life, not part of a movement. If people make fun of me or someone in a wheelchair, I have enough confidence in myself to move on with life and be unbothered and I also know that I'm not in anyone else's brain so I can't just step up to a mic and advocate for that person who IS offended. They're going to be offended regardless of what I say and they need to do work within themselves to not be. I can't do it for them. Nor can I change the people who ARE doing and saying things to be malicious. They're even harder to change. It's just up to the individual to work on themselves to the point where those people become meaningless and don't affect anyone's view of themselves. 

I think that if Caitlyn wants to do something fun, she should. She can't spend her entire rest of her new life afraid to do or say something "wrong", especially in a free country! Yes, she's an advocate but she is also her own individual person and people are putting so much pressure on her and forgetting that. She is not Jesus, she is not expected to save the world! She spent too many years hiding from who she really is out of fear, why should she be afraid to express herself NOW?

I choose to have a sense of humor about life. I always make jokes when someone stubs their toe like "thank God I wouldn't have felt that" or "I bet that hurt, thank God I don't know what that's like!" I even make fun of myself when I do bang an area I can't feel. I get responses from people who are mortified on my behalf that I've said anything like that. They automatically assume I'm talking down about myself and that deep down inside I must be depressed and projecting...

Uh no, I really am just funny and sometimes downright mean. I'm from NY, what do you expect? People need to just mind their own business, live and let live and get over it! I understand wanting to feel like you are part of a collective and not alone in something that is probably scary for many, but society has to let people be an individual too. That's getting lost in all this. This policing of people's minds is downright exhausting and much more of a dictatorship than the people doing it even realize.

I'm Learning To Let Go & Surrender

I'm usually a very positive and motivated person. However, recently, I've really been reflecting on life and trying to understand and "fix" that which has not been working in my life. It's actually made me realize quite a few things about myself and life in general that I thought I'd share.

Life will never be perfect. We can have our visualization and manifesting lists all we want, but life just happens sometimes. We may be redirected by God in ways that make zero sense to us at the time because it was nowhere on the list of what we want and actually could be what we were trying to avoid. So what do we do?

Stop striving for everything to be and go perfectly. Stop trying to escape the imperfections because you'll miss out on the good things that are already there. Don't manifest to escape. Stop making those lists and thinking "oh I don't want this" and "I can't have that there." Always focus on what you want and how you want to feel. Try and change your perspective on what isn't working, instead of resisting it and pushing against it so much. Focus on what it's trying to teach you and make you understand about yourself and your current situation in life. 

This has all reminded me of something I always TRY to remember. God sees things we don't. He sees the end result and bigger picture. Our egos limit us. That's why it's so important to always ask for "this or something better" and to remember that the "something better" may not look like you'd expect at the start of it.

Do I Want To See Paulie Calafiore On The Next "Big Brother - All Stars"?

I've been thinking a lot about this since Big Brother 18 ended. Actually, I've been thinking about it since Paulie's eviction and I figured I'd finally talk about it since BB19 is going to start one week from today. People have asked me if I want to see Paulie Calafiore back for an all-star season, so I thought I'd blog my answer at this particular time. It's complicated, just like the rest of my long winded answers that will never fit in a 150 character tweet. 

Yes, is the short answer. But let me explain.

Paulie is a grown man. I trust him to make his own decisions for his future and his life with the utmost care and consideration. I trust his judgment, I'm positive he could handle it. So, with that being said, I know that if he makes the decision to ever return to the show, it will not be on a whim. The first time wasn't even on a whim, he knew what he'd face because Cody had been through it. Although, I'm sure nothing prepared him for a lot of what he's gone through since signing up for the show up to the present day. If he ever decided to do the show again, I'm sure it will be after extremely careful consideration (and a little competitive push.) 

I'm a ride or die. I support whatever the people I support want to do with their lives as long as they are happy. So, if the day comes where I'm watching Julie Chen tell Paulie to enter the Big Brother house again (and win), I will start the season off the way I wanted to start off BB18...proudly wearing the #TeamPaulie shirt that I now finally own!

I will be reposting this blog the second it is ever announced that Paulie will be on Big Brother again because I know haters will have all sorts of things to say, if and when that time comes. So it will be my pleasure to remind you that he's not an idiot and weighs his options carefully in life. It is, after all, his decision.

Northwell Health At Jones Beach Theatre: The Best Wheelchair Accessible Venue

Having been born with Spina Bifida, a disability that requires me to use a wheelchair, it baffles me sometimes that this world isn't universally designed for everyone. I guess maybe that's my mission to help make that happen. In the mean time, instead of complaining about all of the places that AREN'T exactly wheelchair accessible, I thought I'd shout out one place that is.

The first time I went to Jones Beach Theatre was in 2005 for a Backstreet Boys concert. I bought floor seats and they were far back, but the security brought me right up front. This past weekend, I attended KTUPHORIA there which is a concert for the radio station KTU. My seats were on the floor in a section further back but again security brought me right up front. This is the way it should be. People stand at concerts, how else are those of us in wheelchairs supposed to be able to see?

On top of it, upon arrival, I met a man who told me to ask for him once I was inside so he could bring me up front. As it turned out, every security person there was eager to help. I personally got to thank a group of them on my way out of the arena on Saturday night after the concert and promised I would write them up an amazing review. They truly deserve it.

I hope this blog reaches the right people. Anyone in a wheelchair looking for an arena that will go above and beyond to help them, anyone looking to compare arenas and inspire an arena near you to become more wheelchair accessible and every single person involved at Jones Beach Theatre in Wantagh, NY. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

How Is Your Shit Serving You?

i am a believer in the law of attraction. We definitely attract situations and people into our lives based on our own thoughts and feelings. So if you're thinking positive but your outside circumstances aren't changing...what's going on? 

What's happening is just that your current situation is serving you somehow and you may also have more lessons to learn in the situation. You may really think you just want things to get better, but the sucky situation may be serving you within. For instance, even if you want better for yourself, you may feel undeserving of better or you may not actually think you can live a better life. If that's the case, no matter what you try, nothing will change. You'll just continue to see proof that supports the fact that you feel undeserving. 

If we want to change our lives but we don't change our core beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and life, nothing will change. Sometimes these thoughts are so engrained that it takes soul searching work to get to the core of it all. But it is possible to truly let go of all the bullshit and live a much better life.

https://youtu.be/UBjt980fmPk

When Your Mother Loses Her Other Child

Today is Mother's Day. It's not a big deal in our house, much like any other holiday. We lost my dad in 2009 and my brother in 2015, so every holiday has its rough points. Today I find myself very reflective though. Blame the sinus infection or whatever, but I figured I'd ramble in a blog. I haven't done one in awhile anyway, so you're welcome.

I can't imagine losing a husband or a child and I for sure can't imagine what it's like to lose both. I did lose my father and brother, though. Sometimes, I feel like I lost my mother too. It's not anything abnormal or unnatural. As I said, I can't imagine most days what life is like for her. Of course part of her heart was going to go with them. 

Life will never be the same for any of us. I suppose you just get used to it eventually. There are more days than not where my mom will want to just be by herself. There are more days than not where I'm excited for the day and she's just not.

There's nothing I can do, really. I can't bring back my father or brother and I for sure can't fill their shoes and replace them. I try to sometimes and it leaves me depleted, trying and failing to achieve the unachievable. I have to honor myself and my own self care and allow her to feel the way she feels, even if a big part of me wants to try to make it better. Nothing will work. We are all our own people and need to do the hard work for ourselves. No family member, therapist or anyone else can do it for us. It's up to us and God.

A new friend of mine said something I've heard very often and then something that was very new to me. She said the second year is the hardest (my brother will be gone 2 years in August), but she also said that once year 3 starts, things begin to come together. God, I hope so! The years after my father passed away are still a whirlwind and a blur, so I don't even remember when the new "normal" started for us after his passing. 

There's still a lot of unknowns, as there always will be in life. But what I do know is this. Characteristics we have never truly leave us. We never become a completely different person. Different emotions are present under different circumstances and at different times in our lives. My mom was always the rock for all of us and it is my hope that she realizes what Lily Tomlin said on "Grace & Frankie"..."the old me is the best new me." She still has it in her to be that rock...for herself, for us and for all the grieving mothers out there, today and every day.

Hurt People, Hurt People

I know it's hard to remember, but when someone hurts you, it's because they're hurting inside. Doesn't mean you have to tolerate it, but it makes it easier to not take personally.  

https://youtu.be/QJVjFLFil-o

Sitting Doesn't Have To Kill You!

Study's show that sitting for 6 or more hours per day makes you 40% more likely to die within 15 years than someone who sits for less than three hours a day. 

For those of us in wheelchairs, that can be scary! Especially with our varying levels of mobility. Here is my take and some tips for you! 

https://youtu.be/Yb00dVC0XWQ

Please share this with someone who you think could benefit!