Governor Kasich Signs Down-Syndrome Abortion Ban In Ohio

Let me start by saying that I’m no fan of Governor John Kasich, but I’m a fan of the abortion ban for Down-Syndrome babies. It is possible that someone you don’t particularly like will do something you 100% support. If there is one time where I’m totally and completely against abortion, completely anti-abortion...it is on the subject of disabilities! 

My parents were given a 50/50 chance I’d live & even less of a chance I’d be a “normal” kid. My point in this is that you never know, so why rob any child of a full life because a doctor scares the shit out of you as a parent? 

When you have sex, you know there is a chance you’re going to get pregnant if you don’t take proper precautions. Even then, there is no guarantee. I’m of the belief that any responsible adult should also take into account that their child could, potentially, be born with a disability. If you aren’t okay with that, it is up to you to take the precautions and NOT take it out on the child, who needs you...or at least someone, to take care of them. If you truly can’t take the thought or the pressure, give them to a family who will love them the way they deserve to be loved. Give them to a family who will help them realize their true potential and prove doctors (and you) wrong. 

It is up to you, as the parent, to raise your child to be strong, independent, kind hearted and a slew of other things. In my opinion, that goes quadruple for a child with a disability. Yes, it is a huge responsibility and I do understand being scared. But open your eyes. Stop looking for what scares you. You’re sure to find it if you look for it. Instead, look for the success stories. There are a lot of us out there and, speaking for myself, I’m more than willing to help. 

The Misconception of What Feminism Really Means

We live in a time where apparently there’s a new definition to every term we thought we knew. Feminism is the newest one...

Feminism, by definition, means “the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the quality of the sexes.”

That says equality not superiority. Read it again if you don’t believe me. It’ll say the same thing. Then again, we live in a society where facts no longer matter and public opinion is judge and jury as far as sexual allegations that seem closely associated with the feminism movement.  Not every man is bad and evil. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is. Masculinity is still sexy and not evil, wrong, too aggressive or what have you.

I have a special message for women who claim that they didn’t speak up sooner about sexual harassment or assault because they were told and made to feel that assault was normal. Listen to your own guidance. If your experience taught you anything (which when you’ve truly forgiven and healed, it should) let it be that you hold your own power. If it feels wrong, speak up. However, do so to the proper authorities and don’t make a spectacle of yourself and try to take down the entire male species based on your own experience. 

To the real victims, I’m sorry that opportunists make it harder for you to be believed. To the women who simply want to be the better species, who crave attention and/or think all women should be blindly believed and all men are bad despite facts or lackthereof...SHAME ON YOU!

People With Disabilities Need Confidence & A Purpose

I’ve always found it so hard to help people with disabilities because they, at least the ones I’ve tried to help, are generally very negative. After a lot of frustration at myself for not being able to help, I’ve since discovered what they need...

Confidence and a purpose outside of themselves and the limiting beliefs they have about their lives.

Often times, it’s easy to get consumed by and focus on our current circumstances and everything that’s gone wrong in our life. If enough goes wrong consecutively, your brain will actually begin operating where all you see is the negative in any situation. Well, what happens when our life is one big ugly circumstance? Randy Pausch said it best in his Last Lecture. He said, “we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” 

At some point you have to come to terms with reality. It is what it is. The only thing you can control is what you decide to feel about and do about your circumstances. You’re making it a lot worse but choosing, yes I said choosing, to be resistant to the circumstances and do nothing but bitch and complain about them. 

You may not be able to change the circumstances, but you absolutely can change your response to them. That, in and of itself, will change not only your outlook but your life...and the circumstances themselves don’t even need to change for this to happen.

Look, I get it, so many people will tell us we will never amount to anything. If it’s not doctors it’s society and, sometimes, it’s someone very close to us. That’s why the answer must come from within. We need to build our own self worth and confidence and find a reason to go on, a purpose. That’s something universal and certainly not limited to those of us with disabilities. 

Book Review of “Still Breathin’: The Wisdom & Teachings of a Perfectly Flawed Man” by Brenden Dilley (future Congressman in AZ)

I’ve become quite the book worm in my adulthood. I’ve always gravitated toward books on spirituality and self help. It came as no surprise to me that when I found Brenden Dilley on social media, I immediately resonated and had to follow him. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m just as brutally honest and always try to empower people and hope to set a good example by the life I lead. That’s just what Brenden does...though he might be a little more direct?

I started following him on social media and almost immediately began watching his periscopes (every weekday morning around 10:15ET ish.) He speaks about everything from life to politics and often finds unique and creative ways to tie the two topics together. He’s extremely down to earth and easy to keep up with. He speaks common sense. For those not as outgoing, he will keep you on your toes going from topic to topic and back again!

After awhile of following Brenden, I was finally able to snag his book on Amazon. I had originally planned to read it while flying to and from Las Vegas for my birthday (a 5 hour flight each way), but ended up sleeping a little more than I’d intended to on the plane and then got caught up with work upon returning home. So fast forward about a month and here I am, having just finished the book. I’m telling you right now, I will end up reading it again. I already found myself stopping short and rereading certain passages a second time, just so I could get the full effect and let it really resonate. Trust me, you’ll need to. He goes from talking about sex tips on one page to talking about being a mama’s boy on the next. Side note - shout out to Lisa Kitter for raising a great guy & empowering him to connect with all of us! 

I realize this might be a biased review but that’s all I can really give you. For those who trust MY opinions, I hope you’ll check the book out and follow him on social media if you don’t already. He’s pretty awesome with shouting me out so I’m sure that a lot of his viewers and followers will be the ones that read this first if they follow me, but I strongly encourage those of you who don’t to go follow him. 

Now for a very important mission as a close to this blog. Brenden has officially launched a campaign to run for Congress in District 8 of Arizona. For those of you not sure if that’s you, I took the liberty of looking it up. District 8 includes many of the suburbs North and West of Phoenix, AZ. So if that’s you, please vote! For the rest of us...please check out these links and support Brenden, whether it’s by watching his periscopes, following him and sharing his material on social media, reading and reviewing the book, donating to the campaign or just spreading the word! 

Important links: 

Twitter: @hublife
Periscope: @hublife 
IG: @brenden_dilley 
FB: @BrendenDilley
Congressional FB: @DilleyForCongress 
Congressional IG: @DilleyForCongress 
Website: http://dilley2018.com/

Also, if anyone out there is an illegal voter and knows the ins and outs, I’d appreciate tips on how I can get away with voting for Brenden while still being a resident of NY and avoiding any jail time. I’m too honest to have ever done this before. But for real, I promise to come down for the victory party! I’ll even watch the kids while you and Reanna go celebrate on a date night!

Flyin’ Solo With A Disability - My Trip From NY To Vegas!

On November 11-13, 2017, I flew on a plane for the first time by myself. It was even better than flying with someone. It made me want to take more trips alone and even look more forward to moving out on my own! 

Here is a brief description of my experience! 

https://youtu.be/-jrVQp8_BFc

Rape allegations - The Court Of Public Opinion - I Support Nick Carter

If my brother’s addiction taught me anything, it’s that everyone deserves a second chance in life until the day they die. He pissed me off to no end at times and I hated the addict he became, but I always loved my brother and still do. No matter how angry I got, I always had hope that he’d change his life around.

His name was Nick. Now, the only other Nick “in my life” is being dragged through the mud for something that supposedly happened years ago. He had much of the same struggles as my brother. He’s a recovering addict with a past. 

Let me be clear; I’m not excusing any rapist or sexual assaulter. 

Nick could have done what he’s being accused of, for all I know. However, when someone cleans up their life and gets their act together in the ways Nick has, it is a damn shame when their past is thrown back in their face. It’s even more of a shame when it’s the latest fad to do it. I don’t believe half of the “victims” who speak out lately because there are many holes in their stories and many just want a quick and pretty penny. So it isn’t just because the latest story has hit one of my favorite people.

Have we gotten to such a hateful time in this world where we’ve forgotten about forgiveness and the chance to change? Nick has changed for the better, as far as I’m concerned. I’m proud of the man he’s become and I’m proud to support him.

Nick has responded to the allegations:
http://tmz.me/HzlUUxO

A World In Crisis - World Mental Health Day

If you live on planet earth and are blessed enough to have access to the internet and television, you've undoubtedly heard about the recent events in Florida, Texas, Puerto Rico, California, Washington and Nevada, as well other countries around the world. I'd like to start by saying that my thoughts and prayers are with all who were affected, as well as all who lost their lives. As hard as these times are, it forces us to think of our fellow Americans and not so much of ourselves and our own personal crisis'. To me, any crisis' boil down to two things; spirituality and mental health. 

In my reflections of everything going on in the world today, I was thinking of what we all can do for victims of the natural disasters, tragedies like the shooting, hurricanes, fires and the drug crisis, which always seems to be pushed aside. Aside from practical ways like donating money, I can only come up with one answer that pertains perfectly to all of these instances and that is to increase mental health awareness and look at things on a spiritual level. Think about it, when you're going through any type of tragic event, often times you need some form of therapy to deal with it, when you're in an addiction or the loved one of an addict you also need some type of therapy to deal with it. Often times tragedy is the beginning of an addiction. You also need to look at why it may be happening from a spiritual level and turn to the God of your own understanding.

Media polarizes everything and it often baffles me that addiction isn't usually what they try to spin...they just don't cover it often at all. On one hand, that lessens the amount of people demonizing the addict (enough people do already though) yet on the other hand it creates an out of sight, out of mind mentality around the subject of addiction altogether. The same can even be said for people who weren't directly affected by the shootings and natural disasters. I'm not sure I'd have the sympathy I do for people that are hit by natural disasters if I hadn't almost lost my life and my family's life in Hurricane Sandy. That sounds bad, but it is definitely true that you have to go through something yourself to truly understand or relate. It doesn't make anyone a bad person for not being affected as much by certain things.

So how do we stop these tragedies from happening? First, we define what we can and cannot change. Often times, we think that we or the government can or should have too much control and, when we don't, it can get frustrating. So what CAN we do? We can start by taking personal responsibility, having self control and control over our own mental health. It is not guns that kill people, in my opinion. It is the person behind that gun or guns...or bombs, knives, fists or what have you. We need to gain control over our emotions, learn to process what's going on in our lives that affects us deeply and move past it in a much healthier way. Healthy coping mechanisms are KEY to ALL of this. In my opinion, it will be what finally unifies us.

People With Disabilities SHOULD Be Pushed Past Paralysis

Recently, a friend and former teacher of mine got a review on a song from his book series turned movie "Mickey Tussler", that features a boy with Aspergers. The series is meant to be uplifting and motivating and I believe it achieves just that. The comment, though, hit enough of a nerve where I just had to speak up about it.

The comment reads as follows:

"This is a potentially harmful, misleading message to be sending to those with special needs. Does one have to be successful on an athletic field in order to be accepted?"

First of all, the author has a passion for sports which is why the book centers around that and is, of course, what the main character in the series is doing. It does not mean that all people with disabilities have to be passionate about the same thing. It also doesn't mean they shouldn't either, though.

What really bothers me about this person's comment is the feeling of "you're accepted just for being you" mentality that I feel coming from them. I'm a big believer in God and the universe and do believe we are all meant to be the way we are for a reason and God doesn't make mistakes. Anyone who knows me or has followed me for any length of time can tell you that, as well as the fact that I do have a disability myself. I do, however, have my own motto in life of "Push Past Paralysis" and firmly believe you should do just that in every area of your life. It doesn't just have to be a physical paralysis or disability.

My parents were given little to no hope that I'd ever lead a "normal" life. The main premise of this series, to me, is that you can do anything you put your mind to, no matter what anyone else says. I don't know how much more uplifting you can get! I'm living proof that that message is pretty accurate!

For anyone interested in all things Mickey Tussler, please visit the links below:

http://www.franknappi.com/
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/buckle-up-and-dig-in-single/id1280040459

Amend the American's With Disabilities Act & Abolish the Pre Existing Buildings Clause!

Please join me in my effort to make this country & world universally designed and accessible for ALL! There should be NO reason that any location is not accessible to people with a disability because it was built before 1990!

Please sign this petition & share it EVERYWHERE!

https://www.change.org/p/department-of-justice-amend-the-america-s-with-disabilities-act-with-no-pre-existing-building-clause?recruiter=5564933&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition

Do You Pray FOR or TO Someone Who Dies In "Taboo" Ways?

Today is my brother's 2 year anniversary of the day he passed away. I received many messages, texts and comments of love and support. One in particular caught my attention. I'm not sure if it was a grammar error or not, but it made me think and over analyze...as per usual for me. 

The comment was well meaning, of course, but it made me think of our obsession with religion and how different each religion is from each other. It made me think of my own faith and belief of life after death. 

The comment was "I'll pray for him."

For those of you who don't know, my brother committed suicide. Many people are unsure about whether a troubled person who dies in that way or similar ways really goes to heaven and whether or not they're really at peace. My firm belief is yes to both of those things. 

God isn't a teacher that's going to pass or fail you. Yes, I do believe we can choose to come back here and relearn lessons we didn't learn and I believe we continue to learn in heaven. I don't believe for a second that there is a principal's office in heaven that decides whether or not we get some mean form of detention and sent to hell. This also goes for the cruelest of the cruel people that walk among us here on earth, but that's another blog entirely. 

My philosophy is: Pray TO the dead, pray FOR the living. When someone dies after suffering greatly on earth, they find a peace that they felt they couldn't get to here (NOTE: This is not a reason to convince yourself you'd be better off dead. I don't want that on my conscience.) God doesn't punish us. Some people may feel punished during a life review when they see what their death does to those left behind, but they move past it.

Here's the thing, we love to compare here on earth. From hair, make up, cars, houses and personalities, we are a society that's obsessed with comparison. God doesn't compare deaths and say "oh you suffered from cancer so you go to heaven, you got smashed from a car so you get to go to heaven but oh no...you, there, yeah you...you made some choices to mask your suffering of turmoil inside you that resulted in your death so you have to go to hell." Those left behind also can't measure who suffers more depending on the circumstance of death. 

The fact is, our loved one isn't with us on earth anymore and we're grieving...each and every one of us who have lost someone we love. There isn't anything anyone can say that'll make it better. Most of the time we just want their loved one back which is impossible. However, we can all try to restore the faith of those who are suffering with grief by reassuring them that their loved one is safe, at peace and not suffering. 

Why Christmas' Broken Ankle Shouldn't Disqualify Her But Open BB19's Eyes

If you've never heard of Big Brother before, all you need to know is everything is fair game for an argument and fight. This doesn't exclude the latest "drama"....houseguest Christmas' broken foot.

Another houseguest ended up causing Christmas to break her foot, severely enough to need surgery that will take up to a year to recover from. She may never even gain full and normal use of her foot. Instead of wishing her well, this of course causes tons of chatter amongst Big Brother fans.

So should Christmas be disqualified from playing Big Brother? My personal opinion is no. I'll take it a step further and say I don't even think she should have to sit out of competitions. I think the burden lies on CBS & Big Brother to make their show more adaptive.

I'm in a wheelchair and, while I personally would never sign up for Big Brother because of the burden it puts on you and your loved ones mentally, I don't think I or anyone else in a wheelchair should be made to feel like we can't even attempt to sign up due to the physical nature of so many of the competitions. It doesn't mean that it's going to be any less difficult for anyone, but there are tweaks that can be made to allow everyone the opportunity to participate.

My YouTube video on the subject: https://youtu.be/1tt5cerjFss

Caitlyn Jenner & Steven Tyler, "Dude Looks Like A Lady" Duet

I'm writing this blog shortly after finding out that Steven Tyler has teamed up with Caitlyn Jenner to sing a duet of "Dude Looks Like A Lady." Of course, there are different emotions being expressed by many different people over this issue. So I thought I'd tell you mine.

I relate to Caitlyn in many ways, so I sympathize with her too. I get flack all the time because people assume since I'm in a wheelchair I must think a certain way, I must take everything about it so seriously and I must stand up and fight for every person in a wheelchair. That is A LOT of pressure to put on someone. I just choose to live, try to be as independent as possible and go after my goals and dreams. I'm not gonna change who I am to appease anyone or pander to anyone. People need to loosen up, especially those who claim they are all about letting people be who they are. I guess it's only when it fits their narrative.

Anyone who questions my feelings, there's always an underlying reason of it being because they're shocked I feel the way I do since I'm in a wheelchair. That's just the way it is and I've accepted it. Because no one will understand if they aren't experiencing it. I don't consider myself part of a community because I appreciate every person having their own identity, hopes, dreams etc. I find that people "in the disabled community" are all at different levels so there isn't really a collective like there is in the LGBTQ community. Many are just going along with life, not part of a movement. If people make fun of me or someone in a wheelchair, I have enough confidence in myself to move on with life and be unbothered and I also know that I'm not in anyone else's brain so I can't just step up to a mic and advocate for that person who IS offended. They're going to be offended regardless of what I say and they need to do work within themselves to not be. I can't do it for them. Nor can I change the people who ARE doing and saying things to be malicious. They're even harder to change. It's just up to the individual to work on themselves to the point where those people become meaningless and don't affect anyone's view of themselves. 

I think that if Caitlyn wants to do something fun, she should. She can't spend her entire rest of her new life afraid to do or say something "wrong", especially in a free country! Yes, she's an advocate but she is also her own individual person and people are putting so much pressure on her and forgetting that. She is not Jesus, she is not expected to save the world! She spent too many years hiding from who she really is out of fear, why should she be afraid to express herself NOW?

I choose to have a sense of humor about life. I always make jokes when someone stubs their toe like "thank God I wouldn't have felt that" or "I bet that hurt, thank God I don't know what that's like!" I even make fun of myself when I do bang an area I can't feel. I get responses from people who are mortified on my behalf that I've said anything like that. They automatically assume I'm talking down about myself and that deep down inside I must be depressed and projecting...

Uh no, I really am just funny and sometimes downright mean. I'm from NY, what do you expect? People need to just mind their own business, live and let live and get over it! I understand wanting to feel like you are part of a collective and not alone in something that is probably scary for many, but society has to let people be an individual too. That's getting lost in all this. This policing of people's minds is downright exhausting and much more of a dictatorship than the people doing it even realize.

I'm Learning To Let Go & Surrender

I'm usually a very positive and motivated person. However, recently, I've really been reflecting on life and trying to understand and "fix" that which has not been working in my life. It's actually made me realize quite a few things about myself and life in general that I thought I'd share.

Life will never be perfect. We can have our visualization and manifesting lists all we want, but life just happens sometimes. We may be redirected by God in ways that make zero sense to us at the time because it was nowhere on the list of what we want and actually could be what we were trying to avoid. So what do we do?

Stop striving for everything to be and go perfectly. Stop trying to escape the imperfections because you'll miss out on the good things that are already there. Don't manifest to escape. Stop making those lists and thinking "oh I don't want this" and "I can't have that there." Always focus on what you want and how you want to feel. Try and change your perspective on what isn't working, instead of resisting it and pushing against it so much. Focus on what it's trying to teach you and make you understand about yourself and your current situation in life. 

This has all reminded me of something I always TRY to remember. God sees things we don't. He sees the end result and bigger picture. Our egos limit us. That's why it's so important to always ask for "this or something better" and to remember that the "something better" may not look like you'd expect at the start of it.

Do I Want To See Paulie Calafiore On The Next "Big Brother - All Stars"?

I've been thinking a lot about this since Big Brother 18 ended. Actually, I've been thinking about it since Paulie's eviction and I figured I'd finally talk about it since BB19 is going to start one week from today. People have asked me if I want to see Paulie Calafiore back for an all-star season, so I thought I'd blog my answer at this particular time. It's complicated, just like the rest of my long winded answers that will never fit in a 150 character tweet. 

Yes, is the short answer. But let me explain.

Paulie is a grown man. I trust him to make his own decisions for his future and his life with the utmost care and consideration. I trust his judgment, I'm positive he could handle it. So, with that being said, I know that if he makes the decision to ever return to the show, it will not be on a whim. The first time wasn't even on a whim, he knew what he'd face because Cody had been through it. Although, I'm sure nothing prepared him for a lot of what he's gone through since signing up for the show up to the present day. If he ever decided to do the show again, I'm sure it will be after extremely careful consideration (and a little competitive push.) 

I'm a ride or die. I support whatever the people I support want to do with their lives as long as they are happy. So, if the day comes where I'm watching Julie Chen tell Paulie to enter the Big Brother house again (and win), I will start the season off the way I wanted to start off BB18...proudly wearing the #TeamPaulie shirt that I now finally own!

I will be reposting this blog the second it is ever announced that Paulie will be on Big Brother again because I know haters will have all sorts of things to say, if and when that time comes. So it will be my pleasure to remind you that he's not an idiot and weighs his options carefully in life. It is, after all, his decision.

Northwell Health At Jones Beach Theatre: The Best Wheelchair Accessible Venue

Having been born with Spina Bifida, a disability that requires me to use a wheelchair, it baffles me sometimes that this world isn't universally designed for everyone. I guess maybe that's my mission to help make that happen. In the mean time, instead of complaining about all of the places that AREN'T exactly wheelchair accessible, I thought I'd shout out one place that is.

The first time I went to Jones Beach Theatre was in 2005 for a Backstreet Boys concert. I bought floor seats and they were far back, but the security brought me right up front. This past weekend, I attended KTUPHORIA there which is a concert for the radio station KTU. My seats were on the floor in a section further back but again security brought me right up front. This is the way it should be. People stand at concerts, how else are those of us in wheelchairs supposed to be able to see?

On top of it, upon arrival, I met a man who told me to ask for him once I was inside so he could bring me up front. As it turned out, every security person there was eager to help. I personally got to thank a group of them on my way out of the arena on Saturday night after the concert and promised I would write them up an amazing review. They truly deserve it.

I hope this blog reaches the right people. Anyone in a wheelchair looking for an arena that will go above and beyond to help them, anyone looking to compare arenas and inspire an arena near you to become more wheelchair accessible and every single person involved at Jones Beach Theatre in Wantagh, NY. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

How Is Your Shit Serving You?

i am a believer in the law of attraction. We definitely attract situations and people into our lives based on our own thoughts and feelings. So if you're thinking positive but your outside circumstances aren't changing...what's going on? 

What's happening is just that your current situation is serving you somehow and you may also have more lessons to learn in the situation. You may really think you just want things to get better, but the sucky situation may be serving you within. For instance, even if you want better for yourself, you may feel undeserving of better or you may not actually think you can live a better life. If that's the case, no matter what you try, nothing will change. You'll just continue to see proof that supports the fact that you feel undeserving. 

If we want to change our lives but we don't change our core beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and life, nothing will change. Sometimes these thoughts are so engrained that it takes soul searching work to get to the core of it all. But it is possible to truly let go of all the bullshit and live a much better life.

https://youtu.be/UBjt980fmPk

When Your Mother Loses Her Other Child

Today is Mother's Day. It's not a big deal in our house, much like any other holiday. We lost my dad in 2009 and my brother in 2015, so every holiday has its rough points. Today I find myself very reflective though. Blame the sinus infection or whatever, but I figured I'd ramble in a blog. I haven't done one in awhile anyway, so you're welcome.

I can't imagine losing a husband or a child and I for sure can't imagine what it's like to lose both. I did lose my father and brother, though. Sometimes, I feel like I lost my mother too. It's not anything abnormal or unnatural. As I said, I can't imagine most days what life is like for her. Of course part of her heart was going to go with them. 

Life will never be the same for any of us. I suppose you just get used to it eventually. There are more days than not where my mom will want to just be by herself. There are more days than not where I'm excited for the day and she's just not.

There's nothing I can do, really. I can't bring back my father or brother and I for sure can't fill their shoes and replace them. I try to sometimes and it leaves me depleted, trying and failing to achieve the unachievable. I have to honor myself and my own self care and allow her to feel the way she feels, even if a big part of me wants to try to make it better. Nothing will work. We are all our own people and need to do the hard work for ourselves. No family member, therapist or anyone else can do it for us. It's up to us and God.

A new friend of mine said something I've heard very often and then something that was very new to me. She said the second year is the hardest (my brother will be gone 2 years in August), but she also said that once year 3 starts, things begin to come together. God, I hope so! The years after my father passed away are still a whirlwind and a blur, so I don't even remember when the new "normal" started for us after his passing. 

There's still a lot of unknowns, as there always will be in life. But what I do know is this. Characteristics we have never truly leave us. We never become a completely different person. Different emotions are present under different circumstances and at different times in our lives. My mom was always the rock for all of us and it is my hope that she realizes what Lily Tomlin said on "Grace & Frankie"..."the old me is the best new me." She still has it in her to be that rock...for herself, for us and for all the grieving mothers out there, today and every day.

Hurt People, Hurt People

I know it's hard to remember, but when someone hurts you, it's because they're hurting inside. Doesn't mean you have to tolerate it, but it makes it easier to not take personally.  

https://youtu.be/QJVjFLFil-o

Sitting Doesn't Have To Kill You!

Study's show that sitting for 6 or more hours per day makes you 40% more likely to die within 15 years than someone who sits for less than three hours a day. 

For those of us in wheelchairs, that can be scary! Especially with our varying levels of mobility. Here is my take and some tips for you! 

https://youtu.be/Yb00dVC0XWQ

Please share this with someone who you think could benefit!

Women's History Month

I was just watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and heard that March is "Women's History Month." Since I'm a woman, I figured I'd blog about it. Be warned, this may not be what you were expecting. Let's just start by saying that I identify with the parts I was given and chose upon coming into this lifetime. 

Growing up with a disability, I tend to live in the moment, always look for the positive and I'm always manifesting for the future. Even though, as I've grown up, I've encountered more and more trying or hard times, it's always just been a test of what I'm made of and putting what I've always believed into true practice. With that said, I don't look back, even in history unless it's JUST to look back with pride and not to rehash anything or even come close to insinuating that I or any other human being hasn't made strides, especially in the United States of America. 

I'm going to upset a lot of people when I say this, but I'm an individual. I have never been to a disabilities OR a women's march. I'm not knocking anyone who has attended, I've just chosen not to partake. It's also not that I don't hope that collectively this world becomes a better place for my kids and grandkids, etc. I just think we put so much pressure and control on our own shoulders that we lose sight of how far we've come as a collective and as individual people and just how much is in the hands of God and the universe.

We should always do our best and strive higher in life, but that takes on a whole new meaning to so many nowadays. If you constantly try to do better, you're going to lose sight of the present moment and you'll always look to do better and, in turn, never ever feel like you are enough or are doing enough. There will always be something you are better at then someone else and something you aren't as good at. Neither one makes you more or less of a person, let alone a woman. I think being proud of yourself, how far you have come and where you are now and being willing to be unique is completely underrated. I am NOT saying that women are second, but I believe men and women are equal. I can't say the same for so many women who choose to look at women as superior. 

I will end this by saying that we should all celebrate ourselves, our differences and accomplishments every single day. I don't think we need a month set aside and I don't think we constantly need to mention it in a social media post. It should shine through in our daily actions. 

Cures For The Winter Woes

I don't know about you, but if it's one thing I can't stand, it's the winter. I'm not much of a complainer, but if it's one thing that'll get me going, it's the cold and snow. I'm grumpy, I have less energy, my face snows with dry skin (well, my whole body...) and I just want to wake up on a tropical island with a Dairy Queen blizzard being the only blizzard in sight. I have a feeling I'm not alone in this, so I thought I'd write a blog with some tips on how we can get through the winter months and stay (somewhat) sane. Let's face it, having all our marbles in tact wouldn't be much fun, would it?

I'm not going to get into the origins of seasonal depression or fatigue. We know it exists. So what do we do about it? A rule of life in general can be used in this case, of course. What you resist, persists. That means, the more we resist how we feel, the stronger the feeling will get. Conversely, this too shall pass. So let yourself feel how you feel and know that it's not forever. Honor your mind, body and spirit and give it the rest it needs right now.

If you want to get out of any type of funk, the key is to do and strive for the opposite of what you're feeling. If you're tired, move around and be active. If you're angry or sad, curl up on the couch and watch a funny movie, listen to your favorite music or read a good book. Changing your thoughts helps a lot too. Visualization really does help with this. So, I wasn't kidding about that visualization tool!

As for practical tools, there are quite a few things you can do to get through the brutal winter months... 

*NOTE: I chose not to separate advice based on disabilities because even if snow blocking me outside in piles wasn't an issue, I'd still prefer to live without any snow at all.*

Stock up on hot beverages and foods like soup. The heat in the house may not be good for your allergies or sinuses and it may also make you feel more tired and depressed. So do what you can do keep yourself warm without turning the heat up! Tea will also help if you have bad sinuses and allergies in the winter. It beats taking a pill!

- Take vitamin D. If you're like me, you hate the cold and snow. Instead of moaning and groaning because I'm not out in the sun as much until spring (and until the day I have my dream house in a warmer climate), I make sure to drink lots of water and eat foods I know will boost my mood, as well as take a multivitamin. Vitamin D is especially important because that's what comes from sunlight.

- Exercise. Dance. Movement. Anything to keep your blood flowing and oxygen coming in.

- Keep that vibration up! Do things you know will make you happy; listen to uplifting music, watch your favorite funny movie, read a good book (none of the sappy stuff), do anything that will keep your thoughts happy and mood lifted. I learned a great tool from a spiritual healer of "cancel, cancel". Anytime you think or say something negative, cancel it and the universe will honor that. If all else fails, sage the house!

- Don't be too much of a hermit. Surround yourself with the people you love. Laugh and chat with them as often as possible!

- On the other hand, here's one for the empaths. We always have to be selective with whom we share our energy, so make sure you do extra grounding and protecting every day. Not only can the winter woes get you down, but so can the energy of others who are feeling the same. I still recommend hanging out with those you love, but remember to ground and protect yourself first!

- Do a visualization of being somewhere warmer. I can't promise you an "I Dream of Jeannie" transport, but it will warm you up!

Did it ever occur to you that this can also be an energetic thing? I wanted to wake up earlier in the new year but I've also decided to listen to my body and rest, even just mentally (meditation) when I need to. Winter doesn't have to suck. No day, week, month or year has to suck. You determine whether it does or not. Stop giving your power away to negativity by complaining.

Oh and by the way, it is my dream to live in a place without cold winters or snow. That's totally fine too. Just visualize and be excited about that coming instead of bitching about that annoying white stuff where your grass used to be or being unable to feel your toes. I haven't ever felt mine and my broken toes, cuts and bruises over the years are very thankful for that LOL. Sorry, paralysis joke!

The Barron Trump Autism Debate Needs To Stop!

*Disclaimer: Any negative comments on here or social media about our president in reply to this article will be deleted. This has nothing to do with him other than as a father.)*

Ok, Rosie O'Donnell, this conversation was started by you so let me (hopefully) end it. I was not going to touch it with a ten foot pole, simply because I believe that children should always be off limits, especially in politics. But I'm just going to say what I have to say, mostly about the speculation itself, and then I'm done. 

One thing we can all agree on is that Donald Trump has raised five beautiful, successful and incredible children. I know this first hand as I have met all of his adult children as well as the man himself. Melania and Barron weren't there, and this is precisely where I'm going with this blog. Barron Trump. 

Barron Trump Autistic? if so - what an amazing opportunity to bring attention to the AUTISM epidemic https://t.co/Acgy1Qxyqi via @YouTube

— Rosie (@Rosie) November 22, 2016

This was the tweet that started it all. Possibly well meaning but it sure created a fire storm. Since then, everyone has been whispering, hollering and tweeting or Facebook posting about whether or not 10 year old Barron Trump is autistic or has some other kind of special needs. My first thought was; anything is possible but have some respect, reach out to a representative to the family and show your concern in private, mother to mother. Simply for the fact that you know your tweet is going to reach some people who are going to be mean about the issue...and they were. Someone from SNL claimed he was going to turn into a school shooter. If, and ONLY if, it was 100% released FROM THE FAMILY that he had special needs, then speak out and try to get the family to speak about autism awareness. Melania and Donald have tried to keep Barron's life as private as possible because they know it will garner hate no matter what and they want to protect him, which brings me to my next point. 

The kid is 10 years old, clearly shy and maybe slightly socially awkward. Donald is an energetic and youthful 70 year old but Barron is going to exhibit the way his father stands, his facial expressions and some of his mannerisms. That's where I think all of this comes from. Barron seems more in his element the more we see of him. He has been seen smiling, laughing with his family and their security, all while talking his mothers' ear off at the parade and playing with his baby nephew while his father signed preliminary executive orders. 

Speculation isn't totally bad, especially from well meaning people (IE: people who would love the most important family in the country and/or world right now to highlight special needs as a key issue.) However, I just don't think Melania, especially, is asking for that or the hate her son is getting. She is very very protective of her son and it wouldn't surprise me one bit if she suddenly takes on her husband's personality for a moment and speaks out to everyone speculating on this issue. There will come a point where Mama Bear will have had enough, especially because for every one concerned person there will be at least two who choose to act in a less than sensitive way. 

Could Barron Trump have autism or some other special need? Sure, as I said, anything is possible. I just wish people would be more sensitive about the possibility given the privacy this family shouldn't have to ask for in regards to a ten year old. It should be common sense and common courtesy. That goes for ALL first families; past, present and future. Where has common courtesy and common sense gone in this world?

Other news article (not mine) about horrific things being said about Barron Trump:

http://dailyinfo.co/security-staff-frantic-after-what-just-happened-to-barron-trump-last-night-this-is-sick/

"Is OJ Innocent? The Missing Evidence"

There have been a few iconic court cases so far in my lifetime. One of those few that I paid very close attention to, even at the age of, was the O.J. Simpson trial. I remember coming home from school every day to my family watching it on television. At the time, we all thought he was innocent. 

Shortly after, we became ashamed of ourselves at how evident it was that he was guilty. Then we'd just start laughing at how long we felt he was innocent. There was no way he actually was, right? Not so fast...

A new show premiered last night, "Is O.J. Innocent? The Missing Evidence" on the Investigation Discovery channel. Admittedly, the sole initial reason I tuned in was because I'm a huge fan of Derrick Levasseur, a cop who is investigating the new evidence on the case. I've been a fan since he was on (and won) season 16 of "Big Brother" and wanted him to win because he's a cop. 

I went into watching the show completely believing O.J. is guilty. I didn't think I'd be convinced until the last episode, if at all, that he didn't kill Nicole and Ron. I was actually convinced on the very first episode that there may be more to the story. While I do believe there's a chance he did it, there's also the theory now that OJ may have taken the fall for Jason but it can easily be leaving Jason out to dry and an easy free target. Derrick, Bill and Kris concluded that there were 2 people but they can't conclude that the other was involved in the murder in any way, or that the other person even knew about what OJ was going to do.

If you ask me, it was Jason Simpson, OJ's son, with him that night. Too many people concluded that there was another person, someone wearing a hat Jason was known to own and wear, but stopped wearing after the murders. While I do think OJ committed the crime, too many people saw another person with him and someone even identified that person as Jason. I don't know how anyone can despute his involvement in some capacity. Especially after watching every episode of "Is O.J. Innocent: The Missing Evidence."

I Support Lamar Odom

I woke up yesterday assuming that "The Doctors" was on sometime in the afternoon. As you can imagine, I was so upset to find out that I'd missed (and forgot to DVR) the episode on Lamar Odom. I did find clips though, and regardless I was going to speak about it today anyway.

Many people have scrutinized Lamar for his relapses. While I don't believe that relapse is part of recovery, rather it is part of addiction, it does happen. As long as I see any living, breathing human being picking themselves up and fighting for their sobriety and their life another day, I'm proud and consider it a hopeful success. After all, I lost my brother to years of addiction and an ultimate suicide. So any attempt someone makes at getting help always gives me hope.

Others criticize Lamar for being so public with his journey and chalked his struggles and attempts at sobriety up to merely being publicity stunts. They feel it's the Kardashian effect rubbing off on him for the money he'd get doing interviews. I disagree. I am incredibly proud of Lamar. I believe it takes a tremendous amount of courage to admit to YOURSELF that you messed up and even more courage to get help for it and then come out to tell your story to one AA or NA meeting. Lamar has done all of that, plus shared his struggles and successes with millions of us, all the while knowing many would scrutinize him for it. 

In recovery, you must always pay it forward. I looked at Lamar's interview as doing just that. I was not only proud of him while watching. I was also proud of the one, two or one hundred people in the world watching the interview and deciding to start their own journey toward sobriety. You never know who you're inspiring when you share your struggles. 

Lamar, I along with millions of others am so proud of you and thankful that you trust and love your fans enough to want to lean on us for support. I'm also thankful for your raw truth and honesty that is no doubt relatable to someone out there watching and struggling with their own demons. I wish you nothing but health, happiness and love this and every year to come.

http://www.thedoctorstv.com/episodes/exclusive-lamar-odom-s-road-to-recovery

I'm a Huge Fan of Life!

I had this idea for a project I'm starting, but I wanted to touch on it in a blog post (and video, at the end of this blog). I'm a huge fan of life. Despite any challenges or obstacles I face, I love my life and life in general.

This also bleeds into entertainers of any kind that I love; singers, actors/actresses, reality stars, authors etc. I cannot support someone who doesn't have a life message which I connect with, outside of their craft. Fortunately for me, there are so many of them. 

I'm honored that I've gotten the opportunity already to interview some really amazing people for this project. I love to promote positive people and, in turn, promote and support whatever it is they're currently doing. 



Who would YOU like to see me interview and learn more about?!

https://youtu.be/80I_XZdu8Sc

Things I "Use" My Disability For

It has occurred to me that many people think I (and my fellow wheelies - I hate all the formal words so I made up my own) "use" my disability to get what I want. So I've compiled a list of things that I use my disability for. I hope you enjoy. 

I use my disability to inspire others. I never have to make any of my accomplishments or ventures public but I choose to because it makes me so sad to see so many people who don't believe in themselves and don't push themselves to do things they've only dreamed of doing! 

I use my disability to prove to myself that I can do more than I ever expected.

I use my disability to keep myself mentally and emotionally strong, pushing past any limits society or my inner voice have set.

I use my disability to remind myself to be grateful for all the things I can do and all the things I do have.

I use my disability because God doesn't make mistakes. 

I use my disability to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. 

I use my disability to shape my perspective on everything about life. 

I use my disability to love myself exactly as I am. 

I use my disability to remind myself and others that differences are beautiful and make the world go round. 

I use my disability to be grateful that if I stub my toe (which happens a lot), I won't feel it. One I'm sure is still broken and the other has no toe nail and when that happened, the room looked like a murder scene from a movie. Didn't feel a thing.

Then there's that time I was climbing stairs and hit a nail, carving open my entire foot. I laughed, my aunt almost passed out. Moving on...

So the next time someone tells you that you're using your disability, show them this blog. We all can only use what God gives us. Remember that. Most of all, use your ability to love yourself and others and laugh with each other. 

"You cannot change the cards you are dealt, just how you play the hand." - Randy Pausch 

Which Way Are You Digging?

I posted something on my instagram that said: "Become uncomfortable with being too comfortable in an uncomfortable situation." Someone replied asking what it meant so I said it means to not be okay with being in a shitty situation in life and to dig your way out (with help, if needed.) The person replied, "I'm digging."

Immediately, this posed a follow up question in my mind that I did not ask. The question was, "which way are you digging?" You have a few choices in any situation. You can dig your own hole, you can dig a deeper hole or dig your way out of a situation or even a feeling. But the only way out is through.

Often times the very thing you're using to cope is actually digging you deeper into your problem or bad feelings. It's numbing you and you won't even realize it until you recognize that you aren't reacting at all to the shit going on around you. You act indifferent and, because you aren't sobbing or losing your mind, you may think you're doing okay. But you still aren't dealing with the problem. The feeling creates more problems and you end up feeling like you can't turn to anyone.

To dig your way out of a problem takes action outside of your own head. Yes, inner work is a big part of it too, but you need to really take a good look at your life and change SOMETHING. Otherwise everything will stay the same, sometimes things will worsen and dig you deeper. Changing one small thing can, will and should create a domino effect. It sounds simple and obvious, maybe even too good to be true, but it is true.

You also cannot dig someone else out of their own shit. You can listen and be a helping hand when they ask, but you can't do it for them. Even if you could, that would be taking on their journey for them and they wouldn't learn all of the life lessons they signed up to learn. That can be a hard thing to come to terms with, especially when it's someone you love. All you can do is live your own life the best way you can and hope it inspires them to do the same.

I discuss more about change in my previous blog:
http://marissameleske.blogspot.com/2017/01/my-2017-new-years-resolution.html?m=1

My 2017 New Year's Resolution

I've thought long and hard about my New Years resolution for 2017. I'm going to work just as hard keeping it as I did thinking of what it would be. It's definitely not as cliche as it may sound. I'm going to embrace change and learn to love it.

Life was amazing growing up. I can't remember many hard times and I'm grateful for that. As I got older, I realized that tragedy makes change hard. A lot happened in a short amount of time that has made me afraid of change. Any change signified things getting worse or harder. I know many people can relate to this. It's like if you're unhappy with something and want SOMETHING to change, like something's GOTTA give, but you don't want even more to go badly so you just keep things the way they are. The only thing is comfortability is dangerous.

If things change rapidly for the worst, it can make you yearn for the past and be scared to break out and change anything about your life for the better. It's safer to keep things as they are. So what should you do? Become uncomfortable with being too comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. But don't overwhelm yourself trying to change everything at once, otherwise you won't change anything. 

I can only go by what I'm going to do and suggest it to you. Start small with changing the time you wake up (earlier is always better, unless you NEED more sleep and already are up before dawn.) A change of scenery is always good too. Maybe a different area to read or do work in. Change one thing you do daily, just one small thing. Eventually, things will move in a direction you like more and more and you'll embrace change. You may even learn to love it. 

Life is always changing. That's part of the problem I've had with change. As I said earlier, so much changed at once for me. My dad had a rough few years before he got sick and passed away in about a years' time in 2009. We moved and had hurricane Sandy after that, losing everything. A few more moves happened and then we lost my brother in 2015. It's forced me to adapt and trust that, even when I can't figure out what's happening, everything will be okay. Everything is always happening for a reason and I have to trust God and the universe. That makes it easier to adapt to these changes in life. 

Something else I'm finally learning is that I can't change anyone else, nor can I change their minds or situation unless they're ready. I've always known that but let it frustrate me. I'm learning to accept it as one of the things I cannot change, while hoping that by living my life it will inspire others to do the same.

I've been watching a lot of my favorite coaches and speakers lately. So I thought I'd tell you something I learned from each of them.

Sunny Dawn Johnston is always talking about us being the only one we can change!

Don't let anyone make you play small. - Lisa Nichols

Don't settle. - Trent Shelton

Take no shit. - Matthew hussey